stuck in between.

im in a huge dilemma now, having to choose between a proper job, and to fulfill my childhood dreams. i know, my dream is kinda beyond my reach and i dont have very high level of confidence to be able to achieve my goal, but i wouldnt know if i havent try right? maybe god would be on my side? but even if i got it, how long could i stay in that line? how far could i go?

so i gotta make up a decision, like now?! my boss is giving me a opportunity to stay in the company, learning things from scratch, being his assistant and also getting attached to every dept for abt 2wks to absorb experience from everywhere. this is a really good chance i know, if i am willing and going to work hard, i would be able to do well in the line. but i dont know. i know i have to be realistic. but even my grandma would tell me that i am young, i got the rights and time to fly out there, making my dreams come true. but yes, I HAVE TO BE REALISTIC.

i have to face the reality. i've got a family to support. my grandparents and my mom, have only me to depend on. well, my family is not in a very good financial condition, and they're all waiting for me to graduate and start contributing to our home. and if i am really going to take my time, fulfilling my so-called dreams, then what would happen to them? im turning 20 really soon, its time i get responsible with my own life and also with the people who gave me my life. yah, i think i am getting it. i am convincing myself that, having a proper job at this moment should be what i am supposed to be doing right now.

okay, i just talked to my grandma. she said she couldnt decide my life for me and i have to make my own decision, and she didnt want me to regret. but she actually gave me a very good solution. she says i could try working on first, seeing if i could get used and like it in this line, if not, maybe after some time, like a yr or so, i could still go ahead and fulfill my dreams. sounds really ideal.

a year after now, i would be turning 21. so now, i am going to make an agreement with myself. on 18th November 2008, when i officially turn 21, i would reconsider my directions of life. whether i would continue in logisitcs line, or go after my childhood dreams. yes, this shall be it. =)

like this, at least i could work for more than a year and lighten down the burden on my grandma's shoulders. oh, i just love my grandma so much. she still supports my dreams, even though she knows that this might mean that our family still gotta suffer abit longer. love her, LOVE HER!

ps: whether will i be in the uniform of dreams, i just want the best for my family, my loved ones and myself.