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ooh-la-la.
i hasten to laugh at everything
for fear of being obliged to weep
laughters and tears are both reponses
to fustration and exhaustion
laughter gives us distance
it allows us to step back from an event
deal with it and then move on
but i too believe those who don't know
how to weep with their whole heart
don't know how to laugh either.
one of the worse feelings in the entire world is knowing that you arent good enough,
what's even worse is knowing at the same time that you'll never be.
Thursday, August 19, 2004
wat the hell!!!!!!! today is supposed to be a HAPPY day loh!!! wat the hell!!! den now!! today juz sux!! everything juz went wrong!! so wrong!! ah!!
firstly, today supposed to meet yk rite?! den?! meeting kana postponed again! but i dun blame him.. i noe he's busy.. but, anyone noes how disappointed am i? how upest am i? oh no!! maybe its juz fate.. we r fated not to see each other bah!! y? y fate?
then, another thingy!! big thingy!! abt de guy tt im always blogging abt!! ah!! wth!! it seems tt he wont ever tok much to me ANYMORE!! y? y muz he care? care about wat other pple tink n say? we all live for ourselves.. not for others.. juz bcos of wat they tink, u decide not to tok to me! is there smth wrong wid u?! or there's smth wrong wid ME? ya, ME!! i noe things will end up like this, isnt it.. i noe things definitely will go wrong.. but i still insist.. i promise to tok less to u.. but i failed.. juz bcos i care.. this afternoon, i juz blogged saying i didnt tok to u for 3 days!! now, its forever i supposed!! is toking to mi so hard? n now, yes i tink im damn irritating!! fine!! i swear, im not going to initiate a conversation.. i swear!! i could tok to u so freely in de past its bcos i dun care wat pple say!! y cant u do tt too? now fine!! fine!! fine!! but still, i did not regret agreeing to wei de condition bcos of u.. i still tink its all worthwhile.. n once again, i tink its all fate..
FATE!! this thing call fate is realli driving mi nuts!!!!! fate is always fooling me!! denise, i noe u definitely agree!!! ah... fate!! fate!! fate!! fate!! fate!! i hate FATE!!!! fate, predestined!! gif mi a break!!!
::: ming yun, wei shen me ni yao zuo nong wo, wo you de zui ni ma? ::: ming yun, wei shen me zong shi ba wo xiang yao de dong xi qiang zou, wo you de zui ni ma? ::: ming yun, wei shen me ni gei bie ren xing fu, dan cong lai bu gei wo, wo you de zui ni ma? :::
*i wont be alone. || 2:00 PM
blogging again.. on a wednesday afternoon.. this week is study week, so no school.. lol, but doesnt seems tt im studying.. yea, but haf studied biz stats abit last nite lah.. tired loh.. i hate study week man!! i wan to go to school, for certain reasons!!!
nv tok to him for abt 3 days le!!! 3 days leh!! y?! y?! maybe im juz too irritating.. maybe joanne is rite, no matter wat is de consequences, juz tell de person tt u like him.. at least u wont haf any regrets.. but, can i do it? NO!!! thou joanne is rite, but i prefer to keep my feelings.. i tink its better not to let him noe.. in case he avoid me or wat.. ah!! saw him online everyday loh, but dun dare to double click his nick!! wth!! ah!! ah!! i realli hate myself sia!!
but still, today im in a real good mood!! finalli its wednesday!! im meeting yk today!! at 5:30pm at jelapang lrt station!! yea!! happy happenings!! thou our 'date' may realli be short.. but, i will treasure every seconds when u r standing in front of me! even ur bei ying, i would oso keep it in my mind..
after meeting yk, going to meet mummy wor.. but not for shopping this time, lol... meeting her for dinner wid daddy... haha, she bought me a jumper wor.. yea!! hmmm.. wat shld i wear leh? lol.. haha.. muz da ban mei mei go meet yk.. lol!!!!
wa liew.. after watching twins effect II, fall in love wid twins loh.. lol.. actualli alreadi like them le, but after de movie is like crazy abt them loh!! esp. their songs loh.. so nice.. download le hao duo.. queue le hao jiu.. but its all worth it loh!! their songs r realli damn nice loh!! esp. a song they sang wid Boy'Z.. si xin bu gai.. nice nice nice!!!!!!
twins`rawks!!
...::: zai xiang ni, ni xiang wo ma? ::: guo le zhe me jiu, hai shi zai xiang ni ::: zhen de hao xiang ni oh :::...
*i wont be alone. || 4:50 AM
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
yo.. had a great day again.. went to sch for biz stats xtra lessons.. veri sian.. no motivation.. denise, u shld noe y.. lol.. after tt, went to watch movie at westmall wid bendan denise & PMS(piak, mer, samy).. lol..!! call themselves PMS!! haha.. joke sia!! we watch twin effect II... qian ji bian zhi hua du da zhan!! hmmm.. quite a lame show, but overall its not bad lah... haha.. i tink its a comedy more than a action movie loh.. de 5 of us were like luffing until siao in de cinema loh.. haha.. piak is SO kuazhang loh.. she luff until i had to cover her mouth loh!!! haha!! lol!! haha.. i oso luff until veri veri jialat!! wa piangz.. de ending is like quite sad loh.. de empress n de imperial die together loh.. so touching... i nearly cry loh.. tears already in my eyes le.. den mer keep on asking me to relax!! haha, den twins is so cute n pretty loh!! hoho.. fall in love wid them le!! haha.. cute charlene n pretty PRETTY de gillian.. hoho.. mer oso so high loh.. lol!! lol.. haha... twin effect II!! hoho, i wanna watch again!! so funny.. can brighten up me day sia!! hoho..
after movie, we go around shopping in westmall.. haha, den saw piak's veri chio de cousin.. mer so high sia.. lol.. hoho... after tt go gaigai at pasa malam.. haha...
sian.. haven eat dinner yet.. de food today not nice de.. sian diao.. ah ma abit sick.. so dinner not nice.. lol.. haha..!!! dun feel like eating oso.. today abit sad.. no!! its quite sad.. haiz.. dun feel so sad bah.. ah!! hmmm.. edison chen n chen bo lin is SOOOOOO shuai loh!!!!! esp. edison!! oh no!! hao ke ai!!! chen bo lin oso SOOO cute!! dimple so deep n nice!! god!! fall in love wid him liao.. lol!!! haha.. lingling, if u r reading this, dun kill me hor.. i noe bo lin is urs!! lol!! but, lets share bah!! hohohoho!!!
ding ding ding ding ding ding!! lol!!!
...::: qian ji bian 2 zhi hua du da zhan!! ::: xiang ni, hai zai xiang ni ::: yi zhi zai xiang ni :::...
*i wont be alone. || 10:27 AM
Monday, August 16, 2004
yo, me blogging again.. sian diao.. haha.. kinda sad today.. haha, am i sad everyday?! T.T
last night, bcos of someone, i agree to wei de condition.. y am i so stupid? bcos of someone tt doesnt even noe i like him, bcos of someone tt only treat me as a little ger, i sacrifice so much? wth!!! y am i doing this? gosh!!
idiotic wei!! threaten mi like this!! u tink i'll be happy? dreams on.. i'm onli doing this bcos u threaten me tt u will beat him up!! i'm doing this for him!! i will nv be happy wid u anymore!! i hate u so much!! to de core!! i say again, i hate u to de core!! u will nv be in my heart again!! ah!
im suffering so much for, do u noe tt? will u ever noe how i feel? will i ever let u noe how i feel? i wont.. this is de prob wid me.. i nv tell a guy i like him.. y? i dunno..
kai is another eg.. i like him for so long le, yet i dun ever haf de courage to tell him i like him!! y am i such a coward? is saying 'i like u' so difficult? if i ever told him tt i like him, wat will it be like now? perhaps better..
mentioning kai, quite happy about smth he say today.. he say tt im cute, n he like watever i am too.. is he lying? not sure.. watever it is, even if he's lying, its a great lie to me.. i rather he lie to me forever! n i realli mean it.. if he bother to lie, means he care, rite? -im like lying to myself now- sian diao!!
juz now chat wid ming didi(not xiao ming oh), he's so sad.. so depressed.. i dunno how to an wei him.. i say all i can say le, he still so sad.. damn to de ger tt hurt him like this!! haiz.. love? sux!! y there muz be one party suffering? y?? y?? ah!! love issues always make me mad!! sian diao..
tml still haf to go back to sch, for make up lesson.. sian diao, not tt kind of make up ok.. mer, if u r reading, plz make it clear hao ma!! lol.. haha.. mer hao ke ai oh.. lol!!! haha.. tml dun even noe which room to go loh.. sian diao.. dun feel like going sia!! wth!! haha, maybe its a good thing too.. lol.. sianz..!! y so sian!! wats life supposed to be? kaoz!! wat am i saying?! dotx!!
listening to energy de new song now.. my fav song in this soundtrack.. yi zhi dao zui hou.. so nice!! *yawnz
:: dang lei shui liu guo, hai pei zhe ni de shi wo, dang suo you ren dou zhuan guo tou, bie wang ji you wo hui ting ni Yi Zhi Dao Zui Hou ::
*i wont be alone. || 3:18 PM
Sunday, August 15, 2004
yoyoyo.. had an great day today!!! wid bendan denise!! we planned to go bugis today.. haha.. den early morning she came up to my place.. lol.. n wake me up!! sian diao...!! den we decided to eat porridge buffet at suntec.. lol... haha, who noes, when we reach there, den we noe tt de buffet is only on wkdays.. lol.. nvm, bendan, we eat again another day.. haha.. den we went to eat de high tea buffet.. wow!! its great man!! so nice.. everything is so delicious sia!! there's alot of local food.. as well as other mei shi!!! so nice!!! lol.. de money is not wasted..
den we went to bugis.. wid our tummy bloated.. lol... we went to take neoprints.. so nice oso.. wo hao man yi oh.. lol.. den i bought a piggy hp cover for my baobei fone.. n its so nice!! everything is juz SO NICE today!!! hee.. haha.. wanted to eat takopachi de.. but, too full le!! den denise pierce her ear, third piercing le.. she din scream sia, sian diao!! lol... haha.. den we saw MER!! she was wid her fren, wanted to watch a movie, when they dunno wat show to watch!! lol.. haha.. mer is SOOOO cute today loh.. lol.. !!!!
haha.. den we went to orchard.. wanted to find someone de.. but den in de end din manage to see tt person.. sian diao!! i was hoping to see de person sia!! wa lao, den i eye on a Armani Xchange pants loh.. its DAMN nice loh!!! wa piangz, $219 leh!!! when can i afford it sia!!! $219 leh!!! not $21.90 leh!! its $219 loh.. wah seh.. branded sia!!! so ex!!! but i realli like it alot sia.. sian diao when i saw de price tag... mummy, when u wanna buy for me?! lol.. let me start saving up!!!
Armani Xchange!! wait for me!!!!!
:: hao xi huan Armani Xchange de ku zi oh :: xiang nian ni :: jin tian mei kan dao ni ::
*i wont be alone. || 9:53 AM
Saturday, August 14, 2004
today's second blog.. boliao.. everyday oso 2 blogs.. lol..
went to orchard wid mummy today.. bought some things.. quite happy.. a pair of pink slippers.. a black top.. a pink Ripcurl bag.. a pink cap.. lol.. so pink.. i lurve pink.. pink`rawks!!
once again.. my mood is bad.. so disappointed.. supposed to meet yk today de.. who noes!!! on my way to orchard.. he smsed me telling me tt he's not free today n postpone our 'date' to next wed.. nvm.. at least still haf next wed.. miss him sia.. lol...
sad sad sad?? am i sad? sad? for wat? i dunno..
msn nick now : _*-.#.-[m.a.y.b.e.l.x]-.#. wei shen me ni de shang xin bu shi yin wei wo? er wo que zhi neng wei ni nan guo? -*_
y? y r u always so sad? n y u dun wanna tell me Y? dun trust me eh? u noe i wont say anything.. and y am i feeling so weird? i dunno.. ur unhappiness juz make me feel SO uneasy.. i hope to share ur troubles.. but i noe u wont say a word.. y keep it to urself? there's always me listening.. chat wid u juz now.. not more than 10 lines bah.. we always had nth to tok.. y? is toking to me so hard? n as usual, u sign out w/out a word.. sadded..
today, got a chance to spend more time wid him.. feels greats! thou u still treat me de same.. no different.. but still.. its another day together.. -happy- u r always so sweet n caring to me n i dunno y.. im so happy yet sad.. dilemma? is this de word? did i got de spelling rite? ah, who cares!
gosh!! im in big trouble!! y am i always blogging abt u?! y?! this shldnt be de way.. i cant go anymore further.. if not.. its another disaster!!
watever it is.. LIFE haf to Go On!!!
hmmm, im tired le la.. *yawns nitez!!
..:: ni shi wo shang xin wei yi de jie yao.. ::..
*i wont be alone. || 2:58 PM
in class now.. a class full of luffter.. juz heard mer's de 'roars'.. lol.. feelings kinda mixed up.. chatting wid him him.. lol.. happy? ornot? i dunno.. i juz hope tt things wont get worse.. realli.. i juz hope tt things could remain like this or be better.. but not de worse!! plz god.. dun make it worst!
going out wid mummy later.. shopping.. lol.. i shld feel happy.. lol.. later in de evening, will be meeting yk.. yea!! passing him chem txtbk.. its xiaoming de!! thanx ming-ge.. meeting him.. dunno wat to say, hope i wont blush when i see him..
whole class is luffing now.. i realli love 1Lo2.. yea!! n ya, this guy keep giving me attitude loh.. juz now ask me to shuddup.. wtf!! i nv offend him loh.. he tink he veri 'big' izit? suckx! yuckx! dunno y last time i feel tt i crush one him loh!! ee... er xin!!!
haiz.. y is he not replying? dun feel like toking to me le mah? i'm not irritating rite? am i? i din flood u wid msges.. i din follow u everywhere u go.. so im not irritating rite? i juz look at u from de corner of my eye.. telling myself u r juz a good fren tt i dun wish to lose.. ya, a good fren.. fren? no no no.. not fren.. big brother.. brother? fren? crush???!! i dunno!!!!!!!! ah, this sux!! i hate to haf this kind of feeling...!! maybe i shld stop toking to u for a while.. den i can confirm wat u r..
-*_ ni de bei ying, shi wo zui mei li de suo you... _*-
*i wont be alone. || 2:16 AM
Thursday, August 12, 2004
today de second blog.. my feelings now? kinda sad bah.. juz came back from daniel zhang feng qi de concert.. omg! hao ke ai..
life sux now! i dunno wat to do.. im so lost.. my msn nick now : _*- u muz take care.. i'm missing u.. r u de one? i dun wanna be wat we r now!! .#.-[m.a.y.b.e.l.x]-.#.-*_
r u de one? r u realli de one? im so lost!!!!!! oh no...
and now, de jerk keep on bothering me!! argh!! i cant stand it!! so irritating!!! keep on calling my fone n sms me stupid msges.. wth!!! i hate him!! to de core!!! y muz he do this to me? y cant he juz let me go? dun he noe tt wat he do now is juz making me more n more provoked!!! ah!! i cant be bothered!!!
hmmm.. school start le for abt 1 mth plus loh.. yea!! lurve me class!!! 1Lo2`rawks!!! denise, piak, joanne, mer, samy, laine, jingx, grace, banchin, ben, eric, ming, js, darren, wenzhong, yaochong, lilo, stitch, firdaus, zhenhao...!!! u pple rawks my life!! thou din tok to some of this guys much, but 1Lo2 juz rawks!!! yea!!!
*i wont be alone. || 11:49 AM
yea!! finally get my blog done liao!!!! yea!! thanx piakie!!!
*i wont be alone. || 5:24 AM
she is she, nobody but SHE.
maybelyn.
18 november.
and...
she belongs to nowhere.
she loves...
she wishes for...
she doesnt know, either.
understand;
maybelyn;
speak;
mingle;
reminisce;
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