ooh-la-la.
i hasten to laugh at everything
for fear of being obliged to weep
laughters and tears are both reponses
to fustration and exhaustion
laughter gives us distance
it allows us to step back from an event
deal with it and then move on
but i too believe those who don't know
how to weep with their whole heart
don't know how to laugh either.
one of the worse feelings in the entire world is knowing that you arent good enough,
what's even worse is knowing at the same time that you'll never be.
Saturday, October 30, 2004
blogging.. haha.. juz reach home.. bleahs~
went lot 1.. briefing at Seiyu.. this sun working there.. haha.. i tot vivian got wat gd lobang for me sia.. chey~ only replace her nia.. cos she still at msia.. when she come back den my lobang bijiat liaox.. haix.. nvm lahx.. $50 more i oso happie.. wahaha.. but den haf to wait until dunno when den can take pay lehx.. bleahs~ de person say normally de pay is every 1st of de mth den will take de.. den suay suay de day i work is 31 oct lehx.. kaox.. den next day will get pay mehx? diaox.. den some more when working cannot sit lehx!! haf to stand for 10 whole hrs!!!!! argh~ bobian.. $$ come first.. haha..
later got SI de results.. haix.. sianx lahx.. no more Maia Lee.. piangx.. she's so gr8! wat can i say abt sporeans' taste?! even chrissy oso can stay on?! bleahs lahx~ friends more mahx.. kns.. piangx.. Maia Lee Rawks man~~ haix.. whoa.. ytd Syl sings slow song lehx.. haha.. de judges say its a surprise.. haha.. but ytd he veri cute lehx.. first time i tink he's cute.. haha.. haix.. still tink tt Maia Lee rawks~ her son Tyrese rawks too~ so kawaii.. haha.. wonder who will be kick out later? maybe chrissy.. his performance ytd really not tt well.. daphne oso.. hope she can stay on.. argh~ haha..
so sianx.. working at BOC last 3 days was boring.. haf to open de store myself, which i took abt 1 hr each day.. bleahs~ reached there late some more.. haha.. haix.. haven even take my pay lohx.. haix.. no $$ to use liao.. haha.. tml working oso.. at Chevrons.. haha.. got $$ liaox.. bleahs.. but will get tired lehx.. sun still haf to wake up early.. haix..
stupid.. watching channel 8 now.. so lame lehx.. they showing abt before n after marriage de pple.. haha.. so funny lehx..
update again bahx.. haha.. nitex.. bleahs~
*i wont be alone. || 11:30 AM
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
yo.. blogging.. hmmm.. tired.. haix..
working today.. so sianx.. dun like to go bishan n work.. so far.. den haf to wake up earlier.. sianx.. haix.. still haf to work there till 15th next mth.. phew.. luckily b4 my bday.. wahaha.. piangx.. liddat haven take pay how to celebrate bday?! bleahs.. stupid BOC.. need to wait for a week den can take pay.. muz count de stock loss.. wth! stock loss got my business mehx? so unfair de.. stock loss we haf to account for it.. bleahs.. haix.. actualli dun wanna work there liao wan lohx.. but de pple there veri nice lehx.. Pengzhi, Donald, Ray, Bel, Willy, blah blah blah lahx.. if they not so nice, i surely dun work de.. but den continue working veri pekchek lehx.. cannot take pay every week.. den i eat shit ahx? bleahs.. haf to support myself de lehx.. haix.. still haf to spend alot on bday celebration lehx.. haix.. bobian lahx.. see wat can i do lohx..
oh ya.. can go back n work Chevrons GT.. haha.. last weekends working there.. better pay lohx.. some more is work le str8 away take $$ de.. though its more tiring lahx.. but i enjoy working there lehx.. not bcos of de pple lahx.. but its bcos i like working this way.. i like to interact wid pple.. bleahs.. haha.. maybe continue working at BOC den oso work at Chevrons lohx.. den income more.. wahaha.. den vivian oso got lobang for me.. wahaha.. im Queen of Part Time.. wahaha.. work at Lot 1 Seiyu.. actually quite okie lohx.. but haven cfm yet.. wahaha.. if i everytime liddat work part time den save all de $$, haha, i'll be de 1st teenager in spore to bcum a millionare by working part time.. bleahs.. tink too much.. haha.. cannot save one de lahx.. got $$ le den go buy this buy tat.. haha.. bleahs.. dun bother.. haha..
whoo.. i lurve tt Zinc bag at Bugis lehx.. lurve it loads man~ gonna buy it no matter wat.. haha.. n tt necklace.. tt ear-rings.. tt top.. tt skirt.. tt doggiex.. tt shoes.. argh~ haven even take pay lohx.. already tink of buying so many things liaox.. not even enuff sia.. haha.. bleahs~ but bag SURELY will buy de.. yea~
haha.. change my blog skin again.. wahaha.. actualli still like my Toro skin alot.. haha.. but this one oso veri nice.. haha.. pynk pynk de.. yea.. lurve pynk~ sooooo pynk.. haha... lurve it~ blog song oso veri ke ai.. wo yao qing qing wei ni chang shou ge~ evonne hsu~ haha.. so chio.. whooho!
nth to say le lahx.. yawns.. too tired le.. last nite slp at.. no no.. this morning slp at 6am.. den 10+ wake up le.. late for work liao.. 11 start work lohx.. 10+ den wake up.. from bt panjang to bishan? i aint superwoman.. haha.. so in de end, late for half an hour.. haha.. but oso din bother, i still write de sign in time as 11.. bleahs.. nanny nanny poo poo.. haha..
media player playing~ san ren by Chijon & Aimini.. i oso dunno who r they lahx.. but this song is so DAMN nice.. bleahs..
shall update again... yawns~ bathe le going to orh orh le.. nitex peeps....
*i wont be alone. || 1:17 PM
Friday, October 22, 2004
blogging! yea!! exams is over!! whooha! gr8 man! its party time!! haha..
wahaha.. ytd The Champion starts showing le.. yea.. so nice.. ytd's episode still dun haf toro.. bleahs.. nvm.. haha.. de storyline abit like MVP liddat.. sianx.. but i tink its nicer bahx.. haha.. cos its TORO!! wahaha..
today went to Wild Wild Wet wid denise n grace, my sisters of blood!! n we had a damn gr8 time there!! and i emphasize, its DAMN gr8!! we met at 10am.. den went to NTUC at white sands buy some tidbits first.. den wait for bus 354 to go Downtown East.. haha.. den walked for awhile den find WWW.. haha.. piangz!! from de view outside oso tink its so damn cool lohx... den go buy de Funkey card.. haha.. den went in!!! n its water time!! we put our stuffs into lockers n start to play.. haha..
at first we went to the Shiok River... n really its damn shiok.. haha.. there's like machiam a suction liddat lohx.. only can go 1 direction lohx.. if u wanna swim another way, haha, no-no.. den after we wanted to go to de Yakult Professor Lab, but den on our way there, god damn it!! started to rain.. HEAVILY!! den bobian lohx.. stayed under shelter lohx.. den damn cold lohx.. so went into toilet n sit.. n tok.. haha.. after abt 20 mins liddat we go out n see see look look.. piangz.. still drizzling.. but got lightning.. still cannot play.. den go open locker n take camera.. damn it lohx.. one usage is $2.. piangz.. we open n close dunno how many times lohx.. blood-suckers! haha.. den we take pic.. den de staff there so cute.. called themselves ambassadors of WWW, take pic wid us.. duhx~
den i take pic wid de male toilet sign.. so cute lohx.. its not Gents lehx.. its Muscle Bay.. den de ladies is called Bikini Bay.. haha.. denise n grace take pic wid tt.. haha.. den we went around taking pics loh.. den take pic wid de GR, guest relations.. haha.. he's so Macho.. bleahs.. haha.. den FINALLY can play le lohx.. but we not really playing.. keep on take pics.. wanna use up all de films.. haha.. take pics wid seahorse, treasure island, nemo.. take pics in water, sun-bathing, on slides n even de No Eating And Drinking board.. haha.. when de pics r ready le i shall upload.. wahaha.. so high lohx!!
after taking pics.. we started to play!! alot of stuffs ah.. den Ular-lah, Waterworks, WavePool, SkyRider[scary, i scare!]...
denise made a big joke lohx.. de Waterworks got 2 types mahx.. one is in yellow, which is open de, another one is in purple, which is covered de.. den when we take de purple one.. gosh!! denise was screaming all her way down lohx.. all de way lohx!! she's de first to go mahx.. den me n grace was like exchanging glances, den burst into laughters!! haha... we luff until like mad lohx.. pengx.. den im de last to go.. when im getting ready, im abit scared by denise's screams, so i asked de staff..
may : eh, scary anot ah?
staff: abit lahx
may : huh? abit ah.. no ghost or scary things inside hor? water only hor?
staff : [laughing] dun haf.. dun worry..
den i went off!! haha.. i noe y denise scare liao.. cos tt one is covered de mahx.. haha.. so damn dark inside lohx.. she's afraid of darkness.. i was oso abit scare when i was like stucked half way.. bcos my position isnt rite.. so kana stucked.. haha.. bleahs..
we played damn alot of things sia!! so cool!! de Ular-lah was so damn shiok too!! ah!! i wanna go again lohx.. haha.. den we went to de Jacuzzi pool.. damn shiok ah!! stayed there for veri long.. but not cos of jacuzzi.. we swim behind de 'waterfall' thingy den like put our heads on de 'shore' den body in de water n let it float.. so relaxing.. we dun even feel like leaving there.. haha...
haix.. but too bad lahx.. grace need to work.. if not can play until quite late.. haha.. den we all went off early lohx.. abt 3+ we start washing up le.. haha.. ate kfc.. haha.. den bye WWW.. haha.. after tt go bugis wid denise.. so cool... haha... bought a halterneck.. haha!! yea... finally found one i like de.. haha.. den saw another pink top! ah! damn nice!! next week die die oso mux go back.. haha...
oh ya.. saw piak.. haha.. she bought a new phone.. aiyo.. forget which model le.. de camera which de screen can twist one lohx.. haha.. den after tt take 960 home n slp de whole journey lohx.. actualli cum home wanna slp de lohx.. but den haf to watch The Champion.. die die oso mux watch lahx.. haha.. today's episode got Toro!!!! ah!! he's soooooooooooo cute!!!!! haha.. den de ending veri cartoon.. Johnny Yen say : im Ivan Jackson... Wu..
haha.. joker.. yawns.. okie.. im damn tired le.. haha.. piangz.. wat a long entry today.. paiseh.. haha...
update again... buaix!!
yea! exams over!!! wahahahaha!!!
*i wont be alone. || 1:28 PM
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
blogging... tml is de last paper.. cipr.. gosh.. wats tt.. haha.. dun even feel like studying.. but cannot lahx.. last paper le, chiong lohx.. den thurs can play le.. wahaha! whooya! wild wild wet! here i cum! yea!
shit lahx.. plan so much for my bday liao.. den ah ma dun allow lohx.. piangz.. how can... nv take $$ from her wat.. liddat oso cannot.. bleahs.. dun care.. going to persuade her no matter wat.. our plan MUZ carry on!!! i dun care! de plans muz carry on!!! de grilling, steamboat, ktv, embargo, esplanade.. muz CARRY ON!! going to tink of a way to let her agree.. if not, haha.. i will strike a Riot!! hahahahahaha..
quite unhappy this few days.. haix.. dunno y oso lahx... things happened to unexpectedly.. haix.. luckily i still haf my sisters of blood wid me.. haix.. ya, wo ting ni.. whooha! hmmm.. haha.. denise got a nice hairstyle.. wonder how its going to be like.. haha.. but her pic quite ok, quite cool! tml i shall see! haha.. eh, i oso wanna change hairstyle lehx.. hmmm.. haha... sianx.. gonna bleach my hair most probably.. or highlight de bottom part of my hair till real blonde.. hmmm, feel like highlighting those ashy colours.. but dun tink suits me.. tink blonde suits me better bahx.. dunno lehx.. see how first.. wahaha..
haix.. so sianx.. nth to do n write le.. update again peeps.. buaix..
*i wont be alone. || 11:26 AM
Monday, October 18, 2004
blogging... tml is another major paper.. biz stats.. oh well.. im really worried.. -eeyer- -yucks- pukes!!!!! ah!! jux eat smth disgusting.. coffee flavoured wafers... pukes!! ah!!! so er xin.. machiam nail polish remover de taste liddat!! ah! damn it! shldnt haf buy man! :@
haix.. shld haf buy bin bin mi guo juz now.. now nth to snack le.. bleahs.. later gonna stay up de whole night again.. pia biz stats.. haix.. wonder will this work.. haix.. 2nd paper le.. im worried lahx.. first paper actualli sux! shucks.. maybe im too kancheong.. den i forget everything loh.. de moment de lecturer collect my paper, den everything flashed in mind already lohx.. piangz... shit lahx.. i dun mind retaking de module.. but i mind alot if i repeat this sem.. shit!! thousand+ of fees leh.. die lahx die lahx.. if can pass biz stats tml, i still haf cipr to worry lohx.. piangz.. how am i supposed to memorise tt chunk of words? plz lohx.. mr lau chung sing nv even teach lohx.. got lahx.. only go thru a few powerpt slides.. which is exactly de same as textbook loh... kaox.. call himself a principal lecturer.. piangz.. shit shit shit!! ah! zen mo ban!! plz god.. let me go thru this few days smoothly.. no headaches.. dun let me feel lethargic.. let mi be energetic!! so tt i could stay up for de papers!! ah!! den after tt i can relax!! phew..
haix.. bobian.. exams everytime so close to my bday.. n now all in my mind is my bday celebrations lohx! piangz.. shldnt haf plan so early.. den maybe concentrate more hor.. ah.. sianx...
update again... ah!!
*i wont be alone. || 1:28 PM
Saturday, October 16, 2004
blogging! wat de hell! tml im having a major paper n im blogging now?!?!?! ridiculous! haix.. no mood at all.. haha!!
had loads of plans for hols.. haha.. wild wild wet! here i come! going to haf another piercing.. going to bleach my hair maybe.. going to farmart! haha.. so many places to go n so many things to do! whooha! haix.. exams haven even finish lohx.. piangz.. hahahahaha!!!!
today actualli wanna go back to skool n study de loh.. supposed to meet denise at 12pm.. haha!! but slp until one o'clock lohz! haha.. den ask her come up my place.. say surely will study one.. in de end.. slacked again! haha... watch Lead vcd.. haha.. listen to W-inds songs.. haha.. Buddies rulex!! haha.. J-pop is soooooooo cool!!!!! haha.. after tt watch under one roof.. so damn lame.. den went to westmall.. haha.. to hand de earnings ytd to Box of Chocolate.. wahaha.. den went gaigai for awhile lohx.. den veri paiseh loh.. went to RED2 mahx.. den de past few days oso got go see see look look mahx.. den de sales gurl remember us lohx.. say i look veri familiar.. so paiseh.. haha... den go to kfc to study.. haha.. study?! NO!! in de end, discussing our hols plans n bday plans.. haha... discuss whether eat steamboat or grill? kaox.. den denise still wan me to call everyone to ask which one they prefer! haha.. den in de end i still win loh.. bleahs.. haha.. den discussed wat food to buy.. haha.. den i suggested to go Shop N Save to see see look look lohx.. since we r not studying at all.. haha.. den its like damn cold in there hao ma!! whoa! den after realised its late le.. so proceeded to take bus.. den smth amazing happened! we were still walking to de bus stop n saw de bus cuming! den we decided to gif it a chase! n surprisingly, we made it!! we caught de bus!!! whoa! amazing eh?! haha.. wateva.. haha!!!
alright.. going to find smth to eat n den study le.. looks like its another sleepless night le.. cool! bye peeps!
*i wont be alone. || 1:24 PM
Friday, October 15, 2004
whoo.. blogging again... quite long din blog le... haix.. quite bz this few days... haix.. haf to work.. having exams in 2days time.. n im not a bit prepared ok?! not abit! shit... keep on working.. work till too tired den no energy to study! oh god.. my energy, gif mi some energy!
but working at Box of Chocolate is fun.. today, i close de store all alone.. n bring all de earnings back home.. gosh.. so much cash.. scare scare... haha...
haix, this few days denise at my place.. wanted to study de.. in de end.. muhaha... die le.. muz study le lahx... haha.. im so tired... a bit sore throat.. tok to much le bahx.. sianx.. haix.. saturday last day working at westmall.. after tt Box of Chocolate going to Junction 8... might haf to work there too.. haix.. bishan leh?! after exams den work.. lucky loh.. haha.. but so far.. cannot work at night.. haf to watch The Champion..
oh ya.. The Champion.. change my blogskin.. change de image myself.. haha.. wanted to use another pic de.. but tt pic got de logo 'www.mediacorptv.com'.. so dun feel like using.. haha.. den use this one loh.. haha.. Toro & Fiona.. toro is soooooooooo shuai... haha.. fiona oso quite chio... wid toro sooooooooo pei... haha.. hmmm... The Champion is showing on 20 Oct.. yea!! lurve it!! whooha! The Champion, ren wo ao you.. lalalalala... haha!! yea!! rawks!!
shall update again.. whooha!
*i wont be alone. || 3:12 PM
Monday, October 11, 2004
blogging again... juz came home from work.. hmm... yawns.. tired...
so happy.. got another lollipop again... wahaha... ray is so good.. gif me lollipop eat.. wahaha... thanx! heehee...
nth much to say.. juz wanna say smth to de person who is concerned abt me.. i will fulfill my promise... i will be happy.. i will smile again... i will.. i promise... thanks...
*i wont be alone. || 12:12 PM
Saturday, October 09, 2004
blogging again... its a friday night... boring...! hmmm... change my bloggy song... hmmm... quite a nice song... haha.. but soon will change it again.. muhaha...
hmmm... past few days worked at Box of Chocolates.. hmmm.. a nice job.. haha.. ate lollypop.. damn nice!! haha.. big lemon! whoohaha!!
haix... this few days quite pleasant bah.. nth much actually happened.. cos exams r soooooo near le.. so nth much can really happened... shit!! exams!! gosh!! i not prepared loh.. ah! geesh... thou its only 3 papers, but its already damn hard le.. haix... study study study.. might be going to denise's place to sleep over n study.. grace coming too.. den another day maybe at my place... whooha... den we already made some plans for hols.. esp. tt special in november! wahaha! so happie... haha... whoohu!
life is still so meaningless.. im still feel so faithless.betrayed.dead... well.. hope my tomorrow will be better... update again... yawns...
*i wont be alone. || 2:53 PM
Monday, October 04, 2004
so many things happened this few days.. everyone is so tired... mentally.. y cant life juz be perfect... haha.. maybe denise is rite sometimes... 'world peace'.. haha... nice one....
read HIS blog again.... feel shattered again... oh well... thou i dun wish to... but i juz haf to admit tt i could nv be de one in ur heart... maybe its really time for me to give u up n carry on my beautiful life w/out u... u r juz nth!! after nearly 3 yrs of waiting... only today, i feel tt i dun haf de strength to carry on... y? i tot i once occupied ur heart b4... i remember.. on 19 jan '03, i asked, do i haf a place in ur heart? u replied Yes... u said Yes!! but y i suddenly tink tt its juz another lie.. i tot we got a chance... i tot im in ur heart...
i cried for de time tt u were almost mine
i cried for de memories tt i've left behind
i cried for de pain, de lost, de old, de new
i cried for de times i tot i had u
so... i never had u... u were never mine... y am i so silly? despite all de pain u gave me, im still willing to wait... n hurt pple who lurve me deeply... im such an idiot... well... u juz took me for granted... i noe this waiting is getting me nowhere...
this is a heart-breaking decision... but i noe this is my only way out.. u r getting out of my mind... out of my wonderful life... w/out u.. i noe i still could walk on.. i could... im going to let anything but u to occupy my mind.. u r not going to stay.. but, in fact, could i really do tt? its easier said than done... but sure i'll try...
yes... forget.. everything.. i noe it isnt easy sure i'll try... how long would i need to forget u? a day? a week? a month? a year? a decade? a century? or a lifetime? i dunno...
hmmm... enuff of this le.. update again bah....
*i wont be alone. || 10:37 AM
Saturday, October 02, 2004
juz came from skool.. so late... had a long n Good talk wid my bitches... grace n denise... well... definitely feel better... but i suddenly got this feeling to lead back de life when im in sec 4 again.. i tink its better off liddat... maybe i juz sux...
maybe its juz so gr8 tt 3 of us actualli put everything on de table n tok.. well... at least this improve our frenship.. thanks alot gurls... i appreciate this frenship.. thou im still so faithless in everything.. but i believe tt u gurls could pull me thru...
and i owe someone a thousand millions of apologies!!!!! i noe i shouldnt haf say tt matter to her, esp. when everybody now is in such low spirits... but im realli struggling... to tell or not to tell.. both decisions haf bad consequences... i dunno whether i did de right thing.. both denise n grace say its right.. but i still feel veri guilty... i feel indebted to her.. shouldnt haf let her noe this cruel truth.. how could she possibly take it... XXX... once again i haf to tell u.. a thousand apologies wouldnt make it up for u... im realli so sorrie... i regretted tell de fact to u.. i noe u cant take it.. thou this might sounds abit too mushy.. but ur tears make me painful... i noe its me who brought u de tears... in de first place... if is not bcos of me.... this wouldnt haf happen... im realli sorrie... i brought u misery everytime... u r de only one who stood by me when everyone is juz like boycotting me.. when i've lost everything, god gave u to me... maybe this is life... got to lose smth which u tink tt its impt to u b4 u really receive de real nice one... got some words to say to u..
well.. this sounds so dotx...
gosh.. stupid photobucket... dunno y de fotos in there all gone? damn it!! ah!! haf to add everything AGAIN!!!!!!! haix... some fotos haf to edit again loh.. piangz.. dun care lah.. got time den do... haha!!!
feeling better as day goes by.. perhaps this is juz fate....
i din betray pple, but pple betrayed me
i got no choice but i haf to admit
this is as good as being dead
i juz haf to submit to my fate
nice eh... haix... got nth more to say le.. hope things would turn better.. at least i still haf 'hope'..
*i wont be alone. || 1:42 PM
Friday, October 01, 2004
blogging.. quite a tired day... hmmm... today is my last thurs in skool for lessons for this sem... ocom had ended.. as well as s&w... kinda miss my ocom klass n hiphop klass...
hmm.. ocom... done my formal presentation today.. oh.. its terrible... i was like luffing when im presenting.. haha... so 'formal' rite... haha... thanx to yinggie lah... her face juz make me luff loh.. piangz... i wear de blouse tt i bought as Osmose ytd... hmmm.. its a pink & green blouse... den my bottom i wear a simple black pants... oh well.. look rather formal... machiam a real office lady liddat... wahaha!! hmmm... haha... but de blouse is abit like too small... i wanted to buy a bigger size.. but den it bcum like too big... haha... so get de smaller one... cos it actualli could fit juz nicely... juz a bit tight... den in klass keep on like revealed liddat.. gosh... still need adrian to remind mi loh.. piangz... haha.. n den he smsed me kajiao.. pengz... haha... stupid adrian...
den after ocom... faster walked to studio to get ready to change... haix... for hiphop! whooha!!! hmmm... den today haf to dance barefooted... kinda hard... some movements r difficult to do bcos im not wearing proper shoes.. gosh.. today s&w is our last one.. sad.... so sad... there's no attachment to NRA... even sad!!!!!!!!! den anne say there will be a dance camp b4 our skool starts for next term.... which abt de end of nov... gr8... at least there's still some happenings... whooha!! haix.. but will miss de grp... hmmm... jj, anne, charmaine n many more! oh ya.. n another anne... our instructor!! she's damn cool!!! i worshipped her, man!!! she's realli cool!!! den meet bloody denise.. she's having dinner in skool... hmmm.. after saw desmond... whoo.. he treated us fries... thanx dessy... -oops- dessy sounds like a gurl.. okie.. thanks des!! muhaha... den headed back to my home sweet home...
wat a day... still feel numb after today's skool... feel like strangling myself to death n let my body rot like nobody business.. hey!! anybody would care out there!?!?!?!! would anyone care?!?! i doubt so... thou there's laughter when im in skool.. but de world still seems so dark... gosh.. im getting more n more argh!! i dunno wat word to use to describe me!!!!!! tragic!!!! pathetic!!!!!
nth more to blog le... update again.. oh ya.. thanx Stranger for tagging... thou i dunno who u r, but thanx for trying to gif mi some help.... whoo... thanx!!
*i wont be alone. || 1:31 PM
she is she, nobody but SHE.
maybelyn.
18 november.
and...
she belongs to nowhere.
she loves...
she wishes for...
she doesnt know, either.
understand;
maybelyn;
speak;
mingle;
reminisce;
Get awesome blog templates like this one from BlogSkins.com