Sunday, May 21, 2006
but now im feeling very bad too. perhaps i really dont deserve any trust from anyone, even my own friends.
*i wont be alone. || 10:34 PM
Friday, May 19, 2006
this few days are really bad for me and jamie, whoever's worse. just yesterday, i broke down in tears and gave peixi a shock. nothing happened in particular, really. nothing so bad happened that could caused me like this. im just feeling very depressed and shitty. i feel that there's so much things for me to shoulder. im not almighty. why is everyone trying to make my life worse.
last night someone told me i've changed. changed to someone that she no longer know and understand. i rebutted. i know she meant well. i know she just wanted to tell me how she feel. but i really couldnt agree with her, not a single bit. well, thats initially. i talked to jamie and peixi about it. they didnt agree too. but after thinking about it over and over again, im starting to wonder. have i really change? sometimes i would look into the mirror but couldnt recognise the reflection. what have i done to myself? what have i done to others that make them hate me so much? have i really, really change? jamie and peixi said no. they said so what even if u changed, everybody change. ya, thats what i replied to that someone too. human beings change, unless im not one. so anyway, im starting to deny what jamie and peixi had told me. they said i did not change too dramastically. when peixi said that, i should be more than convinced as she's there with me for so many years, without leaving at all. but now i even doubted that. i think, both of them are just afraid to say the truth. maybe deep in their heart, they also think that i've changed so much, but they're worried to hurt me with they truth that's why they chose to lie. i no longer could differentiate whats true and whats not. im afraid to ask them questions like "how do u take me as friend?", "how do u feel about me?". i hate the truth seriously. i am a rotten apple.
i told that someone, i love the life im having now. i love the way i am now. even if i changed, i see nothing wrong in it. cause im definitely happier compared to a few yrs back. she said she hopes to see the old me. i told her i cant please everybody. i cant be the one everyone wants me to be, but deep inside my heart, im unhappy. im not trying to hurt her by saying all this. i sincerely want to tell her, to accept me for who am i. she doesnt have to love the changes in me if i have any, but please, do not ask me to go back to who i used to be or what. i feel very hurt this way.
there's these words in my friendster profile. some people misunderstood my attitude. some people got hurt the way i took. some people got angry because of my indifference. but thats the real me, i dun need to pretend just to please everybody.
i dun need her to love me as much as before. i just need her to take me for who i am, really. i am willing to apologise to her for what i've done wrong, and for what i've not. as long as we could still be happy together. i cant take any bad things anymore. i had all enough. i want my life now, to only get better and not worse. thats all i hope for. =)
and its gonna be a busy weekend. both me and jamie are praying hard that nothing bad is going to happen. somehow, jamie and me have accurate sixth sense, esp. me. we have a very bad feeling for this weekend. we cant take anything anymore. please, someone bless me. =)
脑海里
有时很乱很乱
有时一片空白
到底怎么了
*i wont be alone. || 3:18 PM
Thursday, May 18, 2006
*i wont be alone. || 9:14 AM
i got nothing much to blog about actually. just wanna post some photos.
met those guys on monday night.
jonathan and me, waiting for cab. he's so nerdy lah.
me and nah-nah.
benjamin, jonathan and me. someone's face looks so BIG here. hahaha.
benjamin and me. we missed our frog porridge for supper. how SAD!! =(
jamie and me. whee! love the background. keke. thanks prissy for taking this pic for us!
im the next Singapore Idol!! muhaha.
me and alex.
there's another photo taken on monday night. but i cant post it in case someone out there feels insecure again. muhaha. u girls should noe. lol. had supper wid benjamin at chinatown on monday night. please benjamin, next time withdraw ur money at mediacorp. dont make me walk for so long again!!! keke.
there's a shampoo bottle in jamie's granny's house. DUCK!!
i look at duck, affectionately. kekeke.
so, this is a very hilarious picture. ling, if u're reading, i bet u agree!
G-FORCE NETWORK! had always wanted to take a picture of this handphone shop. finally got a chance tonight. hahaha. funny.
oh ya, something GREAT to mention. mianjie tagged my blog!! muhaha. im so happy. keke. she's sucha sweetie. keke.
me and mianjie, quite some time ago. kekeke. =)
anyway, something to tell peixi again. u better dont join me in my duck craze!! i'll kill u for that! go snatch that chiobu with jamie!! hahaha.
whee. thats about it. ciaos.
*i wont be alone. || 1:10 AM
Monday, May 15, 2006
had a wonderful sunday night. keke. i love my girls. woke up damn early on sunday morning to shop for stuffs for our steamboat at night. then headed town with jamie and peixi to meet yy, shuping, shumin, sihua, prissy and jonathan, to celebrate prissy's birthday in advanced. then they went off, so headed to wait for ling to finish work with jamie and xi. and saw Kenneth Lim from CSS working at Clinique. i know, right, how G*Y. haha. and anyway, jamie and i bought a new bling bling bag! keke. my goodness. the bag is so just US! lol. and we bought the same hp accessories too! keke =) love my girls.
had a wonderful time preparing and eating. and this is my first time ever, eating steamboat but feeling DAMN COLD. i had my jacket zipped all the way up to my neck. COLD! haha. drinking hot soup doesnt help at all!! argh.
lazy to blog more abt it. pictures!!
thats clumsy me! cutting, erm fish? muhaha.
our princess jamie getting her hands dirty with her FUNGI!!
if u could see ling's hair clearly, im telling u im mad at it! cause she made us wait for her for damn long just to get her hair done! argh!
thats us in a total mess! kitchen's not a paradise to all female species!
oh ya. this is the joke of the day. my precious little baby sister ling, erm, i dont know how she did it. but she just managed to all of us LAUGH LIKE MAD with her banana tricks. oh she and her BANANAS.
oh thats our veggies mountain. i love VEGGIES but sad to say, i didnt finish it! boo! =x
thats our feast!! yums! ROCKS!
ling and me. i love her. =)
adding in more soup!! oh man. i love steamboat!
we call it veggie pot. yums!! YUMS!
1st photo together for the night.
friends ACTUALLY. ACTUALLY ACTUALLY!
ling, my twin and i. whee.
oh after eating for abt 1 and a half hour, this is the first time the soup BOILED. hahaha.
ling's twin, my twin, me and ling! sisters doubled!
xi's twin, jamie's twin, jamie and xi. we're getting bored alright.
now the 8 of us. friends ACTUALLY squared. =x
my honey and my punching bag! muhaha.
my sister and my honey. cant stand her hair lah!
one more time! spot me and dont win a prize.
oh and we celebrated jamie's cousin's bday in advanced. jamie is a lousy cousin. she forgotten her cousin's bday! haha. Happy Birthday Cousin!
交杯蛋糕. hahaha.
whee!!! caught jamie pigging! hahaha.
the princess and the queen. with the queen's laptop. wallpaper rocks.
the princess and the queen. with an EXTRA HAND of a FILIPINO MAID.
she tried to kiss my HONEY. i wont allow that!
so i joined in! but ling doesnt really seem to enjoy that. haha. jamie's mine anyway, so BACK OFF!! =x
yea. thats about it. we really had a GREAT TIME. oh, i had to apologise to the girls. due to lack of sleep and eating too much, i lost my voice and couldnt complete what we're supposed to do! argh! im so UPSET. boo! pillow fights, tickling each other, fightings, screamings. u name it. we did almost everything that night. and i finally managed to fall asleep arnd 4am. woke up at 630am! this clearly explains my heavy eyelids now.
oh well. i am terribly upset. my girls know why, i know why. i cant help it. i cant explain it. just upset. i wish things could get better, whether am i the cause or not.
alright. shall get back to my Logistics ReDesign blah blah blah stuffs. ciaos.
*i wont be alone. || 12:15 PM
Saturday, May 13, 2006
had an early celebration wid mom today. had a wonderful dinner at a little restaurant at Punggol Park. was kinda surprised that such a place actually exist. keke. Bliss the Restaurant. haha. hmm, food there was alright. pictures time. =)
yums to calamari rings. eeks to the irritating TARTAR SAUCE!!
thats mom's. i had those baby potatoes! =)
oh ya. thats me. the environment there is good! haha.
whee! mine! crayfish pasta!
and we had chocolate fondue for desert!
thats my forever-so-young mom and my stepdaddy. whee!
now me and her. dont say we look alike! DONT!
hmmm, went out wid ling and jamie on friday night. wanted to satisfy our cravings for frog porridge again. but we couldnt resist to chicken rice temptations, esp. far east's. so had our chicken rice and went for MANICURES! whee! FNT Nails closed down and Exotic Nails closed for the day! thats VERY BAD for maybelyn!! cause i love to do my nails there! so went to look around for other options. ended up at Francis and Jean. well, quite confident in their haircut and stuffs, but otherwise for nails. so ya, their manicurists' skills were definitely not up to my expectations! argh. i paid 14bucks for LOUSY MANICURE! IM SO MAD. jamie had to go off early. so me and ling continued to do our favourite pastime, WALKING. haha. so anyway, we walked past one of my favourite spots in Orchard area and i finally remembered to take a picture of it.
DALANG! those who understand, will understand. those who dont, dont bother asking me. haha.
we walked all the way to clarke quay and im SO MAD for the second time of the night. i wanted to walk past the place opposite Funan IT Mall to 'steal' my moo moo statue boards. thats one reason why i walked to clarke quay. but why do they have to keep all away?! argh. SO MAD. MAD! phew. headed home with a pouted face.
on my way home with my not-so-perfect nails.
oh and i have something to tell Chay Phui Hae a.k.a. Pei Xi, my best friend for over a decade. PLEASE STOP HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH MY DUCK. IT RIGHTFULLY BELONGS TO ME. ONE DAY IM GOING TO TEAR DOWN THE 'DUCK & HIPPO' BUILDING. I SWEAR! bleahs!
oh i just saw jiaen's msn personal message, saying that some irritating people, which formed this band called S**L, are now at Thomson Prata House. this seriously irritates me, ALOT. cause they just polluted a heavenly place where i just had my yummilicious food a couple of weeks ago. thats one of my few favourite supper place where i had beautiful memories. and so thats serious pollution. i am childishly irritated. so what? period.
ciaos.
*i wont be alone. || 11:46 PM
well, i just wan to let her know, i might not be the best of friends that she had, and our friendship might not even be everlasting, but as for now, at this very moment, i am with her. no matter how hard her life is right now, i am right beside her. im grateful to have her listening to my woes this period of time, and now, im going to repay her by staying by her side, seeing her cry. i wish she could tell me all her troubles and unhappiness. im willing to share everything. cause i believe, "truth and tears clear the way to a deep and lasting friendship". and besides, she told me the other night, "Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled". so i am all ready to share half her sorrows for her. she has seen me through my bad times, and now im going to go through hers wid her.
she said her happiness has left her long time ago and too far away. i wish and i wan, to help her find back the happiness that belongs to her. cause i love her. cause we love her. =)
one last thing to add, we'll protect you with all we have.
勳 我又利用了你的专利
the grass is always greener on the other side.
很多人都会羡慕自己周遭的人
老是将自己和别人当比较
总是羡慕别人有而自己没有的一切
但往往人们看到的都只是表面
每个人似乎都有隐藏着的秘密
不为人知的秘密
最近发生了很多事
让我慢慢开始珍惜身边所拥有的
珍惜家庭
知道无论怎么样 家 永远是最靠近的避风港
珍惜友情
得来不易的友情 难能可贵的友情
甚至让我觉得 大家就像是一家人的友情
珍惜自己
相信自己活在这个世界上 不是没有目的的
珍惜生命
将每一天都过得最充实 不让自己留下任何遗憾
让自己和身边的人 时时刻刻都带着微笑
我要如何将这一切 做得尽善尽美
我是否也能用真正的自己 去面对身边的人事物
是否也能 真诚地面对自己
毕竟 这个世界上
有谁 不是带着面具的呢
真可悲
*i wont be alone. || 12:25 AM
Friday, May 12, 2006
so proudly to announce! my room had maintained its neatness for a week! hurray! that certainly calls for a celebration! muhaha. and anyway, i was just saying about starting to get focus on my previous entry and now guess wat. i missed school again, for the whole day. i slept right thru till 2+ pm. piggy me. argh! alright. oh well. I MUST STAY FOCUSED! yes i must!
i am still feeling very uneasy and i seriously dunno why. everything just doesnt seems right at all. things are just so wrong. maybe its my bloody, useless sixth sense again. but i just cant help to feel the way im feeling now. talked to ling abt it. she says its just so me being so sensitive. she thinks things are just perfectly alright and normal now. well, i certainly hope so. i just dun wish anything to change again. i finally get used to the life im having now, and i hope it remains this way. well, at least for the time being, im still not ready for a change.
人改变不了改变不了的事情. how true.
oh ya. just to add on. i suddenly love this song so much. 一眼万年 by S.H.E.
泪有点咸有点甜 你的胸膛吻着我的侧脸
回头看踏过的雪 慢慢融化成草原
而我就像你 没有一秒 曾后悔
爱那么绵那么粘 管命运设定要谁离别
海岸线越让人留连 总是美得越蜿蜒
我们太倔强 连天都不忍再反对
深情一眼挚爱万年 几度轮回恋恋不灭
把岁月铺成红毯 见证我们的极限
心疼一句珍藏万年 誓言就该比永远更远
要不是沧海桑田 真爱怎么会浮现
ciaos.
*i wont be alone. || 4:28 AM
Thursday, May 11, 2006
changed my blogskin. like it so much. and changed away my blog song too. but i seriously like that song alot. but jus today i realised that there's this way to retrieve people's blog template html and they could just get the song all they wan. and i didnt like it. argh. this is just so intruding! ah watever. anyway, i like the new blog song tt i have now. its so HarryPotter! and harry potter jus rocks! keke.
argh. and this school term is just so not good. its only the third week and i've received so many attendance warning letters. my god. i have to start to FOCUS!! yes!
argh i cant stand my sixth sense anymore. its like a virus in my brain and its seriously damaging it. im feeling kinda depressed now. so BLUE! boo~ ciaos.
oh some photos tt i've forgotten to share.
me and yiyun, on our way to town from expo. 16th april.
ling and me, on our way to town from expo. 16th april.
love the pumpkin. keke.
me and jamie in mediacorp theatre for Singapore Idol. 26th april.
me and jamie, in library watching Harry Potter, killing our time before meeting the rest for our frog porridge! =) yums! 5th may.
me and ling, at clarke quay after eating frog porridge. 5th may.
*i wont be alone. || 12:55 AM