Friday, October 20, 2006
somebody save me please!!!!
*i wont be alone. || 4:52 PM
went town to find ling yesterday. bought a t-shirt from Flesh Imp which has "i am a sweetie, just not yours" printed on it. *hint hint* LOL.
nothing much to blog about actually. feeling slightly better compared to the beginning of the week. though there's still some hiccups throughout but i still managed to survive. yeah. hopefully i will have a VERY peaceful semester. =)
going to work later and will be working over the wkends. i want to work more! MORE!
suddenly craves for ice-cream. ciao.
*i wont be alone. || 3:40 PM
Monday, October 16, 2006
1st day of school, beginning of the semester, but a very bad starting for me. sigh. i dont know. is getting stood up or standing pple up the latest 'thing' in town today? =( its okay. maybelyn will survive, even alone. im feeling sad becos i remembered so far, i NEVER stood them up before, and i just dont understand why they can come up will all sort of excuses to blow me out. maybe they have their reasons and maybe im just being unreasonable here. but i just thought tt this little promises that people made could mean alot to someone who really needs them, someone like me. im not being angry or blaming anyone here. but i just think if u think tt u couldnt or didnt want to meet, u shldnt have agree in the very first place. well i understand when the unexpected happens, but i just dont think they do all the time. and sometimes, "never mind" doesnt really mean "never mind" and "its okay" doesnt mean "its okay" anymore, not after they're said so many times.
fine. i would not bear grudges against this matter, cos tts not the way to be friends, i guess.
and besides, i am used to being alone, very used to. so i guess it doesnt really matter to me.
i am trying very hard to hold on to whatever i have. i initiate, i always make the first move. but is it becos i am moving forward too fast that everyone is backing away from me? perhaps i shld just stay there and stop moving. but i know, tts not going to work either, becos no one will ever come to me, no one. i shall just stop making a fool of myself. i feel so stupid at times. =(
alright, shall stop ranting about unhappy stuffs now. i dont wanna look like a loser in front of that class im going later. oh please reminds me of that class. bleahs.
ciao.
*i wont be alone. || 11:19 AM
Thursday, October 12, 2006
great. why isit that i am getting sick when school is starting? i wanna go back to school in my best form. and i bet my flu isnt going to be alright just in one day. i hate blocked nose, and yet i refuse to turn off my air-con. its freaking hot lah.
oh i said i wanted to pack my room right? oh well. okay fine. its not packed yet. but at least i've done my study table. but its now flooding with tissues.
..............................................................
feeling rather empty this few days. probably because of insecurity getting into me. i dont know. sometimes i really feel inferior, to anything, anyone. i always have this thinking in my mind, "everybody is doing so much better than i am. everybody is living so much better than i am. i want everything that everybody else is having." i envy almost everyone that i came across. i think i am the most fucked up person in this universal. i came across this quote the other day, it says "one of the worse feelings in the entire world is knowing that u arent good enough. whats even worse is knowing at the same time, that u never will be." i just think that i fucked everything up and getting myself into a real mess, probably never going to get out of it. but still, sometimes i feel so confident, so full of myself. like i have the whole world just under my feet. but when im zapped back into reality, its always the opposite. my life is just so fucked up. yeah, fucked up, the 4th time im saying this. ha.
well, maybe its time for me to prove something to myself. getting really serious, in whatever that might interests me, anything at all. but what? you tell me.
i think this is life. this is reality. well, this is my life, i should live it the way it is, i guess. sometimes we wish we were big, wish we were somewhere else, wish we had that someone. but sometimes, we wish so much and too much, that we miss to enjoy who we really are, where we are, and who we actually have. so i shall stop saying all my "if i..." and start telling myself "i am..."
dans la vraie vie, cest vous qui vivez la suite.
in the real world, its u who live the next.
*i wont be alone. || 2:31 PM
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
and i said i would definitely blog about this. he wanted me to title this entry as "the sick people say the dumbest thing". well, jakin wasnt feeling too well due to the bloody haze. oh and the main point is, the whole night he was trying to be really funny and lame. and there's this F*CKING story that he said, it was totally unforgettable. i could have just die on the spot if i've high blood pressure or heart attack. i immediately turned vulgar and started rambling at him with the F-word. this story, i would be bring it into my coffin when my days are up.
and here i am now, going to SHARE this F*CKING story to everybody who's reading this. dont skip this. you'll be down with bad luck if you dont continue reading my "the sick people say the dumbest thing" entry. and dont skip a single detail. or you might not get the gist of it.
he named the story "the GOLDEN story". F*CK the GOLDEN. here it goes.
a long time ago, blah blah blah, there's this GOLDEN man. he lives in a GOLDEN house and have his everything GOLDEN. so one fine F*CKING day, this GOLDEN man was having his shower in the GOLDEN bathroom in his GOLDEN bedroom. he was enjoying himself in his GOLDEN bathtub when all of a sudden the doorbell rang. so he off his GOLDEN tap, walked out of his GOLDEN bathtub, wrapped himself in his GOLDEN towel and left his GOLDEN bathroom. he walked out of his GOLDEN bedroom and down the GOLDEN stairs, walked past the GOLDEN living room and opened the GOLDEN main door. out there stood Stranger A. Stranger A said that he got lost and its late at night, and asked if he could stay a night at the GOLDEN house. the GOLDEN man agreed and brought him into the GOLDEN living room. Stranger A made himself at home, sat on the GOLDEN sofa and switched on the GOLDEN tv.
dont stop reading. i bet it will cause ur life.
after that, the GOLDEN man went back into his GOLDEN bedroom, walked into his GOLDEN bathroom, took off his GOLDEN towel, on his GOLDEN tap and continued his bath in his GOLDEN bathtub again. a while later, the door bell rang again. so again, he off his GOLDEN tap, walked out of his GOLDEN bathtub, wrapped himself in his GOLDEN towel and left his GOLDEN bathroom. he walked out of his GOLDEN bedroom and down the GOLDEN stairs, walked past the GOLDEN living room and opened the GOLDEN main door. this time round, stood Stranger B. he told the GOLDEN man the same thing as Stranger A. and GOLDEN man agreed again. so Stranger B joined Stranger A in the GOLDEN living room to watch the GOLDEN tv.
i know you guys must be mad right now. but dont stop reading, really. its ending soon, i promise.
so again, the GOLDEN man went up into his GOLDEN bedroom, walked into his GOLDEN bathroom, took off his GOLDEN towel, on his GOLDEN tap and continued his bath in his GOLDEN bathtub again. and yes, you've guess correctly, the doorbell rang again. so again, he off his GOLDEN tap, walked out of his GOLDEN bathtub, wrapped himself in his GOLDEN towel and left his GOLDEN bathroom. he walked out of his GOLDEN bedroom and down the GOLDEN stairs, walked past the GOLDEN living room and opened the GOLDEN main door. now came Stranger C. he lost his way and blah blah blah, and the GOLDEN man agreed to take him in. so now all 3 strangers were in the GOLDEN living room and watching the GOLDEN tv.
the GOLDEN man went up to his GOLDEN bedroom, walked into his GOLDEN bathroom, on his GOLDEN tap, took off his GOLDEN towel and finally finished bathing. he dried himself and put on his GOLDEN pyjamas. he left his GOLDEN bedroom and walked down the GOLDEN stairs into his GOLDEN living room. knowing that the 3strangers must be hungry at the time, he asked Stranger A would he prefer spaghetti or pizza. Stranger A said spaghetti. he asked Stranger B would he prefer spaghetti or pizza. Stranger B said pizza. and Stranger C asked for spaghetti.
so the GOLDEN man went into his GOLDEN kitchen, cooked the meal for the 3 strangers using his GOLDEN knife, GOLDEN chopping board, GOLDEN pot, GOLDEN pan and all others GOLDEN utensils. after the 3 strangers had their supper which was served on GOLDEN plates, the GOLDEN man brought them up the GOLDEN stairs and led them to their respective GOLDEN bedrooms, with GOLDEN beds and GOLDEN pillows.
be patient. its about to end, really!
and the next morning, the 3 strangers thanked the GOLDEN man and left.
now the end.
SO, what is the (F*CKING) moral of this GOLDEN story?
by this time, when jakin asked me this question, the only words that came out of my mouth is "F*CK YOU". who cares about the F*CKING moral when im so F*CKING pissed hearing all the GOLDEN(s). i couldnt think of any MORALs at all. so obviously, i gave up.
and the F*CKING moral is.........
...
...
...
...
...
...
PEOPLE PREFER SPAGHETTI THAN PIZZA.
i nearly finished him off at Plaza Singapura Level 4. if we were in a cartoon film, i bet you can see all the burning flames around me and in my eyes. at that moment, i wanted to SKIN him, DRAIN his blood and CRUSH his bones. how could someone ever come up with such a lame and pointless story?! when he was telling me that story, i was really paying attention to the details and everything. ARGH.
okay. this entry is rather long. thanks to that GOLDEN story. but on top of that, the night is really fun. at least i've managed to have some fun before going back to school. and JAKIN, to compensate me, i might just drop by jurong point's McCafe to have my free hot chocolate with lots of marshmallows. yums.
alright thats it. im sleeping. ciao.
*i wont be alone. || 12:38 AM
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
i dunno, its like there's something really bothering me, but i just couldnt figure out what. maybe deep down inside i know the reason why, but i just dont feel like admitting that its happening. i realise, there's some things which are very different from what you think they should be.
example, like, when you think that this person is your best friend, that person might not be thinking the same. not that he/she hates you, but maybe he/she just takes you as a very normal friend. and yet, to you, he/she is someone that you cant afford to lose, as a friend. maybe he/she is one of the very few real and good friends in your current life. and he/she just couldnt realise how important he/she is to you.
maybe you're not someone that deserve to have a friend who treat you the way you're treating him/her. or maybe you just dont deserve to have a friend at all.
or maybe you're just thinking too much. maybe the worries that you're having are all redundant. maybe its just because of the holidays. fuck the holidays.
well, i just dont feel good when things are so different from what they used to be. its like something just went wrong, or i did something wrong. or what?! i dunno.
i think, as a person, as a friend, no matter how bad i am, how fucked up my life is, i still deserve to have a real and good friend.
i guess i am someone who need assurance. i guess i need to told how important my existence is or i might just lose the security.
maybe im just expecting too much from others. maybe i should try to give others something before i expect them to give me what i want.
i've realised i am a very insecured person. and maybe a little sensitive. and i really like to think alot. cause there is so many "maybe" appearing in just one short, single entry. what should i do?
this is me, a insecured and sensitive me.
i am going to pack my room. hopefully it could be completely neat by tonight. bite me.
*i wont be alone. || 1:36 PM
Monday, October 09, 2006
last week of holidays. and i've not really been into the holidays mood for the past few weeks. i always start having that mood only when school starts. thats bad, isnt it? sigh. but i've been telling myself since last week, im gonna work harder this semester and get better grades than the last few semesters. well since im only doing 2 modules for this sem, there is like no reason for me to be doing badly at all. so yeah, i am going to work so hard that you people will think that the sun is coming up from the west. (okay i will try to work SO hard.) however, it seems that whatever i do, or whatever resolutions i have, its just a 5-minute thing. so we shall see.
just finished watching a korean drama before going to work on friday. "Wonderful Life". the show is bloody good. oh or maybe not so good. just that the characters who make it good. there's this character, so totally CUTE. surprisingly, im not referring to the male leading actor or any other male actors this time round, although i usually only notice them, but im referring to HER. whoever daresay she's not CUTE, shall go to hell.
the one is the center. she's only 6yrs old. Han Sin Bi 韩信菲, her name is the show.
tell me she is not the cutest girl you've ever seen. (fine, maybe really not.)
i am going to give birth to a daughter who is this cute. i am.
okay.... well.... the male actor Kim Sae Won 金载沅 is cute too. ahahaha.
oh and i wanna go to VivoCity!!!! they carry the brand GAP! my freaking god! im so bloody thrilled when i know that GAP is coming into singapore. no more Yahoo! Auctions! yeah! and they're opening another one at wisma by end-of-year. whee! ooh-la-la. =)
nights. =)
*i wont be alone. || 12:49 AM
Sunday, October 01, 2006
and im having BIG PROBLEM with the key "s" on my keyboard. argh im making a trip to mel tml. i am having a very hard time blogging. trying extra hard not to type any word with the alphabet "s".
here's my new haircut. oh please, tell me its alright. =D
its abit blur. sigh. THAT HAIR.
this is how it looks from the back. hmmmm. BIG sigh!
thats about it. ciao.
*i wont be alone. || 9:54 PM