determination.
determination, one very important character which i dont have, and want to have it, desperately. and it has gotta be very strong. i just need some determination to go through a certain phase of my life. like making decisions, and sticking to them. i am very fickle-minded, in alot of things. i tend to give up on things easily and im beginning to dislike this. i want to complete what i've started or what i am going to start. i want to be someone who can do something. yes.
frankly speaking, till now, i am still completely clueless of the directions in my life. what i want to be, what i want to do, i had no idea. i just follow whatever path that appears in front of me, hoping that it will bring me to the right destination. i dont think i am really doing the right thing, but i think its the least thing that i could do right at this moment.
phew. had been quite busy today, finally got time to continue blogging. see, i am trying hard, for DETERMINTATION. do my work, put in more efforts, getting more serious. i hope i am getting somewhere.
working out something with regynna and her benjamin. well, hope its a good start, and everything could go on well and smooth. =)
ps: people with determination and perseverance, succeed. i want to be one of them. =)
stuck in between.
im in a huge dilemma now, having to choose between a proper job, and to fulfill my childhood dreams. i know, my dream is kinda beyond my reach and i dont have very high level of confidence to be able to achieve my goal, but i wouldnt know if i havent try right? maybe god would be on my side? but even if i got it, how long could i stay in that line? how far could i go?
so i gotta make up a decision, like now?! my boss is giving me a opportunity to stay in the company, learning things from scratch, being his assistant and also getting attached to every dept for abt 2wks to absorb experience from everywhere. this is a really good chance i know, if i am willing and going to work hard, i would be able to do well in the line. but i dont know. i know i have to be realistic. but even my grandma would tell me that i am young, i got the rights and time to fly out there, making my dreams come true. but yes, I HAVE TO BE REALISTIC.
i have to face the reality. i've got a family to support. my grandparents and my mom, have only me to depend on. well, my family is not in a very good financial condition, and they're all waiting for me to graduate and start contributing to our home. and if i am really going to take my time, fulfilling my so-called dreams, then what would happen to them? im turning 20 really soon, its time i get responsible with my own life and also with the people who gave me my life. yah, i think i am getting it. i am convincing myself that, having a proper job at this moment should be what i am supposed to be doing right now.
okay, i just talked to my grandma. she said she couldnt decide my life for me and i have to make my own decision, and she didnt want me to regret. but she actually gave me a very good solution. she says i could try working on first, seeing if i could get used and like it in this line, if not, maybe after some time, like a yr or so, i could still go ahead and fulfill my dreams. sounds really ideal.
a year after now, i would be turning 21. so now, i am going to make an agreement with myself. on 18th November 2008, when i officially turn 21, i would reconsider my directions of life. whether i would continue in logisitcs line, or go after my childhood dreams. yes, this shall be it. =)
like this, at least i could work for more than a year and lighten down the burden on my grandma's shoulders. oh, i just love my grandma so much. she still supports my dreams, even though she knows that this might mean that our family still gotta suffer abit longer. love her, LOVE HER!
ps: whether will i be in the uniform of dreams, i just want the best for my family, my loved ones and myself.
yoga-yoga.
yeah, i know, i should be doing my work, i got deadlines to meet. but i just dont feel like doing anything. or rather, i want to do something, but there's nothing i could do when my colleague never give me the stuffs i need. and i just dont like to approach him and look at his fcuking face!! argh. tell me what to do man! okay. i shall be good and approach him, smiling nicely. all after i finishing blogging. =)
was supposed to be on a losing-weight program, but had been eating ALOT for the wkends. well, its not my fault! there's food, so much nice food in my sight and there is just NO reason why i should say NO to them, when they readily want to be eaten by yours truly. okay, excuses right! yeah, i think i really need some self-discipline before i become too fat to lose any weight. having my first yoga class later in the evening with regynna. woah, kinda excited, wonder how would it be like. heh. you go, girl! nothing is impossible to you. as long as you got the will and determination, anything could be done! =] *self-encouragement is very important*
went cycling and/or jogging last friday. erm, i was cycling and regynna was jogging. but at times, she took over the bicycle and demanded me to jog. oh well, really trying hard to lose some kilos. after getting all sweaty, we decided to swim! ha, i cant really swim seriously. so i changed into regynna's spare swimming costume, get down in the pool and watched her swim for like 2laps?! and then all we do is soaking ourselves in the cool but dirty water, chatting. and she lost her newly bought earstuds, and we walked around the pool, trying to retrieve it back, but obviously failed. and so i had to give mine to her, cause she's whining non-stop! ha. had a really good time with her. and we promised to exercise at least one day per week, and each time, i will have a longer distance to run. thanks regynna!! =]
woah, its already mid-june. attachment is ending in less than two months. woah. but then again, the attachment period is really fast, its like only yesterday when some things happened. and now, we're talking about leaving this place soon. though i would most likely be extending, but i just dont think i am able to stay here for long. i guess i should start looking for jobs ya.
alright, i've skived enough. i should be getting back to work. good luck for yoga!
ps: packing my room this saturday, would be throwing and changing things that doesnt belong, anywhere. i know what i mean.
the muddle-headed me.
i dont know whats wrong with me this few days. have been rather blur and messed up. see, im in office on a saturday AGAIN. i didnt plan for it. i didnt want to come back seriously. i dont mean to "cheat" the company's money. but i've got no choice. i left my hp in the office ytd and i HAVE to get it back. though my hp could be quite quiet sometimes, with not much people calling and sms-ing me. but, BUT, there is no way i could survive 24hrs w/o my hp. yeah.
and right this morning, i was walking to lrt station with my granny. and i was searching my bag for my new card holder with holds my ezlink card, i couldnt find it. and thank god my granny's there, and she got an extra card. and when i was waiting for the lift up to the lrt platform, it suddenly strike me that my card holder is in the front compartment! like what the fuck right! i am so super blur loh. keep forgetting this and that.
okay, and early in the morning, in the office, someone was trying to make things difficult for everybody. i mean, surely she knows that everybody is talking behind her back, and why does she still want to make a fool out of herself? gosh, i would never dare to do such a thing in broad daylight. i mean, even me dont dare to do such a thing, and i just dont understand why she got the guts. i must really admire her horrible source of courage, but uh-uh, i dont agree to this kind of behaviour. yeap.
i am going to get a new phone soon! most likely a samsung one! yippee! =]
shall get down to work. good day.
ps: its pathetic for people who doesnt know their limits. =)