ooh-la-la.
i hasten to laugh at everything
for fear of being obliged to weep
laughters and tears are both reponses
to fustration and exhaustion
laughter gives us distance
it allows us to step back from an event
deal with it and then move on
but i too believe those who don't know
how to weep with their whole heart
don't know how to laugh either.
one of the worse feelings in the entire world is knowing that you arent good enough,
what's even worse is knowing at the same time that you'll never be.
Monday, April 30, 2007
foreign feelings.
feeling weird. okay, i am always feeling weird. but really, i am feeling weird. okay i know i dont have to repeat myself. but yes everybody, i am feeling very weird.
it is an unknown, and obviously, unwanted kind of feelings. i thought i am strong and smart enough, but apparently, i overestimated myself. things just couldnt be the way i want them to be.
nope people, dont worry. i am not unhappy. i am feeling okay. in fact, just this morning, i thought i am having a rather good mood. well, till now, i still think that i am IN a good mood. just that, i am FEELING WEIRD. (okay the 5th time) and dont bother asking me why or what happened, because, yours truly dont know either.
okay tomorrow is public holidays and i should be enjoying the eve. gotta go home straight to help mommy dye her hair(see im sucha a nice and good daughter), and go home to enjoy my beloved granny's curry chicken, and after dinner, might be playing mahjong with my all-time mahjong kakis. erm, no no. not might. its confirm playing. okay i am turning into a gambler. well thats not my fault. nope, its not my fault. dont ask me whose fault is it, but definitely not mine. (i am good at pushing responsibilities, i know.)
okay. i think i am getting it. getting the reason why am i feeling weird, or rather, why am i having a good mood. the reason, the 101th reason, never change, and always revolving around the same, old thing(yeah i call it a thing). my definition for "thing": an unfeeling object. need me explain more? yes, unfeeling. okay, by now, some people might have already understood what i am blabbering about. yada-yada.
so anyway, ya i know i shouldnt be. but who cares? its my own life. whether to nourish or destroy it, its my choice, its my own say.
p/s: its going to be May in 8 hours. its going to be my month in 8 hours. good May, good 31 days. my month, bless me. =)
*i wont be alone. || 3:54 PM
she is she, nobody but SHE.
maybelyn.
18 november.
and...
she belongs to nowhere.
she loves...
she wishes for...
she doesnt know, either.
understand;
maybelyn;
speak;
mingle;
reminisce;
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