ooh-la-la.
i hasten to laugh at everything
for fear of being obliged to weep
laughters and tears are both reponses
to fustration and exhaustion
laughter gives us distance
it allows us to step back from an event
deal with it and then move on
but i too believe those who don't know
how to weep with their whole heart
don't know how to laugh either.
one of the worse feelings in the entire world is knowing that you arent good enough,
what's even worse is knowing at the same time that you'll never be.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
busy WEDNESDAY morning.
wednesday, a hateful day. but its slightly better today as i'm able to work in peace, without some unnecessary disturbance. speaking about working, i had a really busy morning. suddenly a lot of work to do. but all cleared now! should have do it slowly, right? ha.
lost 20bucks in mahjong last night. super duper sian. 1st time losing money in mahjong. my mom says i deserve it, cause i'm suddenly very into mahjong. she even said, "you thought you're god of gamblers ah". nice mother. come to think of it, she is REALLY a nice mother. a couple of days ago, regynna, junyong, wenfang and me were at jurong east interchange after work. we were standing somewhere near the atm maching, waiting for wf to withdraw money. i swear. i swear that the place is not crowded at all, cause everybody is just walking past there quickly so its definitely not conjested. then out of a sudden, a guy, obviously a bloody foreign worker bumped into me and brushed his ought-to-be-chopped-off hands on my butt. then he walked past me and turned around and say sorry, the bloody asshole then gave his friends a "i-did-it" smile and they started laughing. FCUK. its obviously on purpose. both reggy and wf saw it. ASSHOLE. okay, the main point is my mom. then i called my mom to whine to her about it. she was sleeping when i called her, the 1st response from her was that its crowded and its common to have such accidents. so i told her that the place is definitely not crowded and that guy did it intentionally. so her 2nd response was she's sleeping and she asked me not to disturb her. and she hanged up. see, what a nice mother i have right. =x i know that whining to her doesnt change a thing but at least she could have say something like "oh my poor girl" or "that guy deserved to be screwed by a cucumber". at least i'll feel loved. mommy, please love me more. =D
argh so anyway, i am really down on luck this couple of days. first i got molested. asshole. then ytd, the whole world seemed to be so against me. everybody is saying the wrong things, at least so wrong to me. then my boss's hp spoilt and im the last one holding it. and at night i lost money. anything else? we shall see.
ling, the following is dedicated to you.
although of all the times i needed you, you were almost never there, but deep down in my heart, i know you still care. i whined, i complained, but still i know. now that the bad times is almost over for me, and i am glad that you've seen me through. although you knew that the choice i made is so wrong and is going to hurt me, you didnt stop me at all, cause you just wanted me to be happy. well, apparently i didnt get happy though. still, i am thankful that, no matter how dumb and stupid i am, you still let me be me, you still love me for who i am. and i just want you know, i will do the same for you. i know that you're going through some unhappy moments currently, and i just hope that there's something i could do to share your sorrows.
to my sister for 10years and still counting, thank you for everything that you did and everything that you did not, and i love you.
*i wont be alone. || 1:37 PM
she is she, nobody but SHE.
maybelyn.
18 november.
and...
she belongs to nowhere.
she loves...
she wishes for...
she doesnt know, either.
understand;
maybelyn;
speak;
mingle;
reminisce;
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