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ooh-la-la.
i hasten to laugh at everything
for fear of being obliged to weep
laughters and tears are both reponses
to fustration and exhaustion
laughter gives us distance
it allows us to step back from an event
deal with it and then move on
but i too believe those who don't know
how to weep with their whole heart
don't know how to laugh either.
one of the worse feelings in the entire world is knowing that you arent good enough,
what's even worse is knowing at the same time that you'll never be.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
breathing in the summer.
actually, i've alot of stuffs to blog about. i've drafted them in my hp. but i've decided to put those unrealistic stuffs on hold. well, i reckon i will never disclose them entirely anymore. cause they're no longer important.
draft 1: its about me getting killed and being tortured.
well, the torment is still going on, but i'm getting immuned to it.
draft 2: its about disappointment, and wondering about the time that i need.
well, i dont get disappointed anymore. cause i've realised that what used to belong to me, doesnt belong to me anymore. and the time that i need, seems to get shorter and shorter, and thats a good thing.
draft 3: about me being SO stubborn, being blind to reality and things that i dont want to give up.
well, the stubborness is in me and i am going to let it remain there. i never want to give up things that i never wanted to. thats because i always believe that something good will happen to me eventually, and it might just come the moment i decide to give up, and i will start whining about giving up in the first place. i dont like to say things like "i shouldnt have" or "if only i know". and so what if i'm blind? tell me that you're not.
draft 4 (the most heartbreaking one): saying that if i were to drop a tear last night, it will be the last time i'm crying for that particular reason. also saying that im going to start living for myself and awaking from my hibernation.
well, the most hearbreaking, but definitely the most positive one. so glad that i managed to keep my eyes dry last night. this goes to prove that, what dosent kill me, indeed had make me stronger. whether could i start living for myself, i dont know. but i am going to try. and i want it to happen. i am determined.
so now it feels like summer time for me. well in fact, it is summer. i feel like an animal which has just woke up from hibernation, and it is breathing in the summer breeze.
although things have come clear to me, but i am still going to hate the things that i hate...
like the BLACK WEDNESDAYS.
*i wont be alone. || 1:20 PM
she is she, nobody but SHE.
maybelyn.
18 november.
and...
she belongs to nowhere.
she loves...
she wishes for...
she doesnt know, either.
understand;
maybelyn;
speak;
mingle;
reminisce;
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