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ooh-la-la.
i hasten to laugh at everything
for fear of being obliged to weep
laughters and tears are both reponses
to fustration and exhaustion
laughter gives us distance
it allows us to step back from an event
deal with it and then move on
but i too believe those who don't know
how to weep with their whole heart
don't know how to laugh either.
one of the worse feelings in the entire world is knowing that you arent good enough,
what's even worse is knowing at the same time that you'll never be.
Monday, October 16, 2006
having my OPC lectures at 2 later. SIAN. 3hours lecture. god! i promise myself to NOT to fool arnd in class anymore. i will do it. i can do it. there's nothing i cant do. yeap.
1st day of school, beginning of the semester, but a very bad starting for me. sigh. i dont know. is getting stood up or standing pple up the latest 'thing' in town today? =( its okay. maybelyn will survive, even alone. im feeling sad becos i remembered so far, i NEVER stood them up before, and i just dont understand why they can come up will all sort of excuses to blow me out. maybe they have their reasons and maybe im just being unreasonable here. but i just thought tt this little promises that people made could mean alot to someone who really needs them, someone like me. im not being angry or blaming anyone here. but i just think if u think tt u couldnt or didnt want to meet, u shldnt have agree in the very first place. well i understand when the unexpected happens, but i just dont think they do all the time. and sometimes, "never mind" doesnt really mean "never mind" and "its okay" doesnt mean "its okay" anymore, not after they're said so many times.
fine. i would not bear grudges against this matter, cos tts not the way to be friends, i guess.
and besides, i am used to being alone, very used to. so i guess it doesnt really matter to me.
i am trying very hard to hold on to whatever i have. i initiate, i always make the first move. but is it becos i am moving forward too fast that everyone is backing away from me? perhaps i shld just stay there and stop moving. but i know, tts not going to work either, becos no one will ever come to me, no one. i shall just stop making a fool of myself. i feel so stupid at times. =(
alright, shall stop ranting about unhappy stuffs now. i dont wanna look like a loser in front of that class im going later. oh please reminds me of that class. bleahs.
ciao.
*i wont be alone. || 11:19 AM
she is she, nobody but SHE.
maybelyn.
18 november.
and...
she belongs to nowhere.
she loves...
she wishes for...
she doesnt know, either.
understand;
maybelyn;
speak;
mingle;
reminisce;
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