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ooh-la-la.
i hasten to laugh at everything
for fear of being obliged to weep
laughters and tears are both reponses
to fustration and exhaustion
laughter gives us distance
it allows us to step back from an event
deal with it and then move on
but i too believe those who don't know
how to weep with their whole heart
don't know how to laugh either.
one of the worse feelings in the entire world is knowing that you arent good enough,
what's even worse is knowing at the same time that you'll never be.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
darn. i am feeling terribly sick. thanks to JAKIN and maybe the haze. could the indonesians stop burning whatever they're burning?! argh. heavy flu. bad sore throat. terrible headache. and feverish. im sucha weakling. i dont remember getting sick so often when i was a kid. is my immune system failing on me? =(
great. why isit that i am getting sick when school is starting? i wanna go back to school in my best form. and i bet my flu isnt going to be alright just in one day. i hate blocked nose, and yet i refuse to turn off my air-con. its freaking hot lah.
oh i said i wanted to pack my room right? oh well. okay fine. its not packed yet. but at least i've done my study table. but its now flooding with tissues.
..............................................................
feeling rather empty this few days. probably because of insecurity getting into me. i dont know. sometimes i really feel inferior, to anything, anyone. i always have this thinking in my mind, "everybody is doing so much better than i am. everybody is living so much better than i am. i want everything that everybody else is having." i envy almost everyone that i came across. i think i am the most fucked up person in this universal. i came across this quote the other day, it says "one of the worse feelings in the entire world is knowing that u arent good enough. whats even worse is knowing at the same time, that u never will be." i just think that i fucked everything up and getting myself into a real mess, probably never going to get out of it. but still, sometimes i feel so confident, so full of myself. like i have the whole world just under my feet. but when im zapped back into reality, its always the opposite. my life is just so fucked up. yeah, fucked up, the 4th time im saying this. ha.
well, maybe its time for me to prove something to myself. getting really serious, in whatever that might interests me, anything at all. but what? you tell me.
i think this is life. this is reality. well, this is my life, i should live it the way it is, i guess. sometimes we wish we were big, wish we were somewhere else, wish we had that someone. but sometimes, we wish so much and too much, that we miss to enjoy who we really are, where we are, and who we actually have. so i shall stop saying all my "if i..." and start telling myself "i am..."
dans la vraie vie, cest vous qui vivez la suite.
in the real world, its u who live the next.
*i wont be alone. || 2:31 PM
she is she, nobody but SHE.
maybelyn.
18 november.
and...
she belongs to nowhere.
she loves...
she wishes for...
she doesnt know, either.
understand;
maybelyn;
speak;
mingle;
reminisce;
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