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ooh-la-la.
i hasten to laugh at everything
for fear of being obliged to weep
laughters and tears are both reponses
to fustration and exhaustion
laughter gives us distance
it allows us to step back from an event
deal with it and then move on
but i too believe those who don't know
how to weep with their whole heart
don't know how to laugh either.
one of the worse feelings in the entire world is knowing that you arent good enough,
what's even worse is knowing at the same time that you'll never be.
Friday, August 19, 2005
sometimes i love my grandma alot, really alot. but times like now, i really hate her. damn. its jus smth wrong that i said. does she need to use that kind of language and tone to scold me? i mean i dun really mean what i say. its jus a comment, a statement. not anything more. why do she have to take it so seriously and use smth so vulgar to scold me? and when i fight for my right, she still can tell me that there's nth wrong for her to scold that way, because im her granddaughter, so its her right to scold me whatever she wants. DAMN. oh, so now she's telling me that "granddaughter" is not human, is an ANIMAL? just because she's higher up there, she could do watever she wan. everytime we quarrel, whether is it my fault, it jus ended up to be my fault. and my mum will get the news and start calling me to scold me more. i tot my mum is more opened and know the fact that the elder is not always right. but my mum always says, "she's ur grandma, so she's right". like wat the fuck! dumb mother. perhaps, being tolerating wid my grandma for 36yrs, my mum is already immuned to my grandma's way of doing things. so no matter how hard we fight for ourselves, the right person is always Empress Dowager. ya ya. whatever happen to justice? phew. its really okay for me to tolerate her naggings and sometimes her scoldings, but the ONLY thing tat i couldnt stand is why am i always the wrong one?! Empress Dowager should start watching talkshows like "Let's Shoot" on Channel U. learn about what youngsters like me is thinking, and what are the consequences for using the wrong way to discipline youngsters like us? of cos, im not saying im one of them. but i think, according to the talkshow, reasons for teenagers suicidal cases are not only becos of relationships, but quite a no. of them are becos of family problems. and de biggest family problem they faced is miscommunications and wrong way of discipline, which is wat i am facing right now. Empress Dowager jus doesnt understand her little princess. her little princess doesnt wan to be right. she wants to be understood. thats all. =(
enough of this.
and im so stunned by Proj. Superstar results. i was totally shocked and happy when Kelvin was announced the winner. my god. how could that be possible? and needless to say, ever-so-powerful Kelly made it in too. thou what i expected was totally opposite. initially im really worried that Xinhui would get in but Kelly got it. then i tot that de male finals results was really obvious and it mus be Junyang who would win but Kelvin got in! hehe. so now de very finals would be the K's fight. lol. tough decision for me thou. hehe, but my vote goes to KELLY my goddess of cos. wahaha. alright, enough of this oso.
today biz etiquette's presentation was great. my group presented second and thou de outcome wasnt wat we expected, but still considered satisfactory. hehe. ms. zarina went thru alot about dressing today. and we're supposed to do a tough but interesting assignment for her. due 2wks later. hehe. de assignment gives me a very good reason to go shopping! woah. hehe. and tts our last assignment which carries the heaviest weightage of de whole module. mus jiayou. =) and this means biz etiquette is going to end. gonna miss my class SO much. new and old friends. i mus say this is my fav. IS class so far. and ms. zarina, my fav. lecturer. thank goodness i've her for this module. hehe. but really hope she doesnt go into labour during class time. haha.
i miss my precious friend alot. hehe. gonna see her this sunday to celebrate her bday at my place. going to fix her some nice food, i hope will be nice. and maybe surprise her wid Kelly's autographed singles. hehe. and pamper myself wid one too.
phew, feeling rather sucky these few days. dunno why either. no mood to do anything. oh ya, did i mention i nearly got debar by Wee Gim Theng?! my goodness. i knew its a no-good to receive email from him. argh. first was to inform me about my poor attendance which i did mention long long time ago. second time is debarment. wth. i prayed hard that i would never receive any emails from him AGAIN! argh.
so much for today. long entry. phew.
*i wont be alone. || 12:14 AM
she is she, nobody but SHE.
maybelyn.
18 november.
and...
she belongs to nowhere.
she loves...
she wishes for...
she doesnt know, either.
understand;
maybelyn;
speak;
mingle;
reminisce;
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