ooh-la-la.
i hasten to laugh at everything
for fear of being obliged to weep
laughters and tears are both reponses
to fustration and exhaustion
laughter gives us distance
it allows us to step back from an event
deal with it and then move on
but i too believe those who don't know
how to weep with their whole heart
don't know how to laugh either.
one of the worse feelings in the entire world is knowing that you arent good enough,
what's even worse is knowing at the same time that you'll never be.
Friday, April 01, 2005
happy april's fool day to everyone.
and happy birthday to jieying and my dearest kor, jiasheng.
hahs. had great fun today.
went ice skating wid birthday girl jieying.
and denise darling, kim, diyana, benben, zester, yaofeng, yaofeng's gf jasmine, loycus, calvin and jason.
de guys are good at it man. hahs. esp. yaofeng, zester and loycus.
and i take my hat off zester. cos he told me he dunno how to skate.
and he was so good. wat de. cool lah. hahs.
whoa. gave jieying a big surprise. told de dj there to say our birthday wishes.
and requested for de 'snow flakes'. she was damn touched.
den, handed her a locker key, and when she opened it, its all her gifts.
guess these pple will enjoy their best bday ever. hahs.
continued to skate till abt 3pm. den went to a nearby hawker center to eat.
den went to loycus's house. gambling time. hahs.
gosh. his dogs are so damn cute. Prince and Rocky. my god.
i love them SOOOOOOO much. if only granny allows. argh.
played mahjong wid jieying, loycus, yaofeng and gf.
im de big winner. but received no cash.
cos i still owed loycus $$ for cab fare and cake. dots.
played blackjack. lost $$.
played daidee. lost $$.
ok, fine. rabbits are not suitable to do anything involving gambling.
i juz cant win. phew. even spending money might be a misfortune.
juz cut my hair ytd. argh. kinda regret. oops.
wasted $$, dun look nice. argh. this month doesnt seems to be a good month eh.
saw jiasheng when waiting for bus @ jurong point.
tt guy juz doesnt noe tt his sis here doesnt like smoke. bloody hell.
hahs. happy birthday to him again. april's fool babies.
was sleeping on bus 187 on de way. damn tired.
slept @ 5am this morning. hahs. denise was soundly asleep.
oh ya, she came to sleep over @ my place.
supposed to be watching vcds till late.
but denise cant resist de temptation of my wonderful bed.
granny's nagging. sometimes i really wonder whether her mouth get tired anot.
how could she nag so much.
since de minute she reach home, she had been nagging till now. gosh.
ya, i noe tt its a mistake tt im brought to this world.
and she had been repeating this 'fact' since i was like ten.
c'mon. she's an adult. cant she understand tt wat is done cant be undone.
so y keep repeating tt i shldnt be brought to this world?
ok, i noe im a nuisance. im a burden. den y not strangle me when i first cry?
y bother bringing me up and say tt i shldnt be here?
y bother treating me like a gem when i was a kid when u tink i shldnt be here?
crap can? push all de responsibilities on me.
high utilities bill. my fault.
high phone bills. my fault. oh plz, i dun even use de house fone for nuts.
high watever bills, my fault.
even high renovation fees. my fault.
even when mum doesnt give her allowance as promised, i get scolded.
damn. wat de hell.
lose mahjong. bad mood. i got all guns pointing at me.
my surname is ong. not lai.
she juz said "even if im keeping a dog, it will at least wag its tail and listen to me."
den y not keep a dog? see if de dog could massage ur feet when its in pain?
see if de dog could go give tuition lessons to lessen ur burden?
see if de dog could bathe by itself and wash dishes for u?
a dog a dog. first is comparing my results wid my childhood fren.
not its comparing me wid a dog?! wat de hell.
nice granny i have. ya, pamper me when u win money and in a good mood.
bitch me arnd when u lose money and sucks.
hey, u noe, even DOGS HAVE FEELINGS.
u wan me to wag my tail at u? treat me like how im supposed to be treated.
considering of quiting skool. she wan me to pay for my everything? tts de only way.
u tink i could bring money home from skool everyday?
wat do u tink im doing in skool? prostituting? socializing? crap. crap. crap.
alright. nth else to report. gotta slp soon.
nitez.
my everything is screwed up, from upside down, inside out.
F*CK.
*i wont be alone. || 11:54 PM
she is she, nobody but SHE.
maybelyn.
18 november.
and...
she belongs to nowhere.
she loves...
she wishes for...
she doesnt know, either.
understand;
maybelyn;
speak;
mingle;
reminisce;
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