ooh-la-la.
i hasten to laugh at everything
for fear of being obliged to weep
laughters and tears are both reponses
to fustration and exhaustion
laughter gives us distance
it allows us to step back from an event
deal with it and then move on
but i too believe those who don't know
how to weep with their whole heart
don't know how to laugh either.
one of the worse feelings in the entire world is knowing that you arent good enough,
what's even worse is knowing at the same time that you'll never be.
Monday, March 07, 2005
i started asking myself stupid questions.
why am i in this world?
why am i still breathing?
how do i get to hell?
i long to see lucifer.
why do people have to change?
why cant they stay de way they are?
and why they have to change from bad to worse?
i hate life.
i hate people.
people hate me too.
i noe u r wishing that i do not exist, wishing that im dead.
no worries, im granting that wish.
im on my way to find daddy.
oh no, daddy's in heaven, but im heading to hell.
so sorry daddy, i miss u so much, but i shant find u. i miss lucifer more.
sorry daddy, i aint a good girl. i cant keep u accompany.
but no worries, in many years to come, u'll find mummy in heaven too.
no one's sending to me hell, so im helping myself.
hell is such a wonderful place u wont wan to miss.
tell ya a joke, daddy.
im sucha bitch. haha. isnt tt funny?
i dun deserve any friends, cos i realise i do not have one.
no one is going to shed a single tear when i breathe my last.
cos they dun even realise whether im dead or alive.
i do not exist in anybody's world. im alone.
people always say, when u feel that u r alone, turn around n u'll see friends.
yes, i turned around. but only saw one friend.
it doesnt have a name so i named it Shadow.
Shadow has been following me wherever i go.
it's sucha good friend. my only friend.
daddy, are u happy in heaven? guess so.
if not, why would u wan to leave this horrible place and head there?
and daddy, u r bad. u didnt bring ur girl along?
but its ok. i found a nicer place. lucifer is going to guide me around, isnt he?
im ready to go any moment.
*i wont be alone. || 11:00 PM
she is she, nobody but SHE.
maybelyn.
18 november.
and...
she belongs to nowhere.
she loves...
she wishes for...
she doesnt know, either.
understand;
maybelyn;
speak;
mingle;
reminisce;
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