ooh-la-la.
i hasten to laugh at everything
for fear of being obliged to weep
laughters and tears are both reponses
to fustration and exhaustion
laughter gives us distance
it allows us to step back from an event
deal with it and then move on
but i too believe those who don't know
how to weep with their whole heart
don't know how to laugh either.
one of the worse feelings in the entire world is knowing that you arent good enough,
what's even worse is knowing at the same time that you'll never be.
Saturday, March 12, 2005
had fun ytd.. went to skool but din go for any class.. met grace n denise.. hahs.. went to club house to find jying, ongling, jason, yaofeng and calvin.. and went to Halo Bar.. had great fun there.. singing, drinking.. whoa~ drank shooters.. Blue Nipper.. sounds funny and tastes funny too.. but nice drink lah.. lol.. den i ordered one vodka sprite for myself.. shld haf ask for a stronger one.. im feeling down.. and i tot tt i was drunk when calvin started showing some great magic wid poker cards.. gosh, he's good at it.. amazing! well, happiness doesnt last.. nothing lasts..
i painted my nails black. i painted my life black too.
when everything juz come crashing on u all at once, u juz cant see colors anymore.
now it seems tat everything is linked.
friendship, kinship, relationship and every f*cking things.
when one is gone, everything's gone too. amazing eh?
yup. continue to see me smile n joke. cos tats my shell.
have u ever see a tortoise get its whole body out of its shell? nah.
at most it only show de head n legs, but nv de innerbody, de heart.
now im like one. an idoitc dumb tortoise which everyone is laughing at. haha.
go on. laugh! and dun tink i care. cos i dun give a damn.
no matter wat, i still hate life.
and de hatred increases as i live thru each day. dammit.
lies and deceits filled my days.
broken promises broke my heart.
a broken heart will take away my life. how dramatic.
i heard Shadow crying last night. it's sad.
cos it saw me crying too. nice friend i've got.
when i laugh, it laugh.
when i cry, it cry. i love you, Shadow.
at least God is good enuff to give me you.
but i will not thank him. cos he gave us a rotten life.
im still ready to go any moment.
*i wont be alone. || 11:50 PM
she is she, nobody but SHE.
maybelyn.
18 november.
and...
she belongs to nowhere.
she loves...
she wishes for...
she doesnt know, either.
understand;
maybelyn;
speak;
mingle;
reminisce;
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