ooh-la-la.
i hasten to laugh at everything
for fear of being obliged to weep
laughters and tears are both reponses
to fustration and exhaustion
laughter gives us distance
it allows us to step back from an event
deal with it and then move on
but i too believe those who don't know
how to weep with their whole heart
don't know how to laugh either.
one of the worse feelings in the entire world is knowing that you arent good enough,
what's even worse is knowing at the same time that you'll never be.
Monday, October 04, 2004
so many things happened this few days.. everyone is so tired... mentally.. y cant life juz be perfect... haha.. maybe denise is rite sometimes... 'world peace'.. haha... nice one....
read HIS blog again.... feel shattered again... oh well... thou i dun wish to... but i juz haf to admit tt i could nv be de one in ur heart... maybe its really time for me to give u up n carry on my beautiful life w/out u... u r juz nth!! after nearly 3 yrs of waiting... only today, i feel tt i dun haf de strength to carry on... y? i tot i once occupied ur heart b4... i remember.. on 19 jan '03, i asked, do i haf a place in ur heart? u replied Yes... u said Yes!! but y i suddenly tink tt its juz another lie.. i tot we got a chance... i tot im in ur heart...
i cried for de time tt u were almost mine
i cried for de memories tt i've left behind
i cried for de pain, de lost, de old, de new
i cried for de times i tot i had u
so... i never had u... u were never mine... y am i so silly? despite all de pain u gave me, im still willing to wait... n hurt pple who lurve me deeply... im such an idiot... well... u juz took me for granted... i noe this waiting is getting me nowhere...
this is a heart-breaking decision... but i noe this is my only way out.. u r getting out of my mind... out of my wonderful life... w/out u.. i noe i still could walk on.. i could... im going to let anything but u to occupy my mind.. u r not going to stay.. but, in fact, could i really do tt? its easier said than done... but sure i'll try...
yes... forget.. everything.. i noe it isnt easy sure i'll try... how long would i need to forget u? a day? a week? a month? a year? a decade? a century? or a lifetime? i dunno...
hmmm... enuff of this le.. update again bah....
*i wont be alone. || 10:37 AM
she is she, nobody but SHE.
maybelyn.
18 november.
and...
she belongs to nowhere.
she loves...
she wishes for...
she doesnt know, either.
understand;
maybelyn;
speak;
mingle;
reminisce;
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